The end

I'm well fucked. I have more issues than Cleo. I'm insecure and jealous. I'm sensitive and easily misunderstood. Because of the way I am I have ruined something very special to me and pushed away someone I adore.

No more. I'm done.

Eternal disappointment

My life is one big fuck up followed by another. My heart aches, my head is pounding and it hurts to breathe.

I am so very sick of myself. I have worked very hard on so many facets of my life and I just keep hitting brick walls. I am a pretty sorry state for a human to be in. Hanging on a thread. Always alone. Unloved. Unwanted. And yet still trying. For what end? Disappointment? Rejection? Heart ache?

Musical Frinspiration

Do what makes you happy

Memory

Love thyself

I am focusing on self love. Yes, again. I keep losing sight of it. Because it does not come naturally and I'm a pretty conciliatory person I tend to put the needs of others ahead of my own. I am trying to find the right balance to ensure that I car for myself and have leftovers to love those around me that deserve it.

So, this morning I had iron cereal with banana and blueberry yoghurt served with pineapple juice in a wine glass. Because I am that classy.

Not average

I realise that I am not easy to be around. I am easily upset (but, as one of my writer friends says "if you wanted me to write nicely about you, you should have behaved in a manner that was deserving of such"). I know that my dietary requirements are a pain in the arse. I appreciate that I am overly fussy (though I don't believe I impose this on anyone. I am always more than willing to accommodate to meet the needs of other people). I know that I can be moody and I turn on a dime.  I get frustrated easily and tend to clam up when people hurt me (which seems to be fairly frequently). 

I'm also feisty. I have my own opinions and I'm not afraid to voice them. I won't be told what to do, wear or say. I stand up for what I believe in. I can be exceptionally strong if I have to be. If someone rejects me I will hide my pain so well they will never have any idea that they're affecting me so deeply. I am in no way normal. I don't want to be either.