Self-doubt

I'm getting married. Exciting, I know. But I am also terrified. With one failed marriage, I am petrified that I will fail with this one too.

While my fiance is a completely different man to my ex husband, I am still worried that I am making a mistake. I had every intention for my first marriage to last a lifetime, what makes me think that this one will be more successful?

Naturally, I have grown considerably in the last 17 years and I am not the woman I was when I married the first time but I still doubt my ability to make good decisions.

The last few weeks the feeling of dread has grown and infected every part of my day to day life. I have found myself questioning everything. Am I happy? Am I doing the right thing? Do I have my values in tact? Am I overthinking things? Am I not thinking enough? Am I just coasting through life? Am I setting myself up for disaster? Am I overly critical? Should I just relax? Or should I listen to my inner voice?

I am having nightmares again and I feel stressed most of the time. This makes me snappy and overcritical which is unpleasant to be around which just exacerbates my concerns and down the negative feedback loop we go.

As the wedding plans solidify, I get more and more anxious about our relationship. Are we really a good fit? Am I going to be happy with this man for the rest of my life?

Then I look at him and my heart melts. He makes me feel safe, he does all the 'right' things and appears genuinely interested in my well being. We have a shared interest in health and fitness, we both value family, our favourite meal is breakfast and we love movies. That's enough, right?