Journey to radiance

If you liken me to a car, or maybe a truck because they 'live' for longer, I had a major overhaul following separation. It was a pretty intense rebuild. Close to write-off, I had to reform myself from the chassis up. New wheels, rims, engine, body, transmission - the works. But it turns out that there are still some dents. Each time I think I am healed something will happen to set me back and the work begins again.

Transformation is never easy. And there's a reason the butterfly builds a cocoon - no one wants to see that hard work that is involved in change.

Transformation is also not quick. You cannot wake up one morning and be different. It takes time. Dedication. Commitment. Change is achieved through consistently different behaviour.

I can see my flaws. I am not ashamed of imperfection. I try my best every day. Some days are better than others but I persist. I have a dream and a plan to get there and I inch my way forward day by day.

I see the life I want. A life of integrity - where what I believe, what I say and what I do are aligned. They are mismatched at the moment. Financial pressure, social obligation (perceived or real, I am not sure) and family expectations mean that I am somewhat limited in the choices I have. Every life coach will tell you differently - that you can make any choice you want for a different life - but the reality is that life comes with caveats. Children solidify these. Once you have children you are obligated forever. This is not something I would ever begrudge; it is merely a statement of fact. Having children means you have financial, biological and emotional obligations that can never again be ignored.

That doesn't mean I am trapped forever. It's not all doom and gloom. But it might take me longer to get to where I want to be than I would like it to.

In the meanwhile, I will work consistently and diligently to improve my situation. Each day I make choices that lead me to a radiant, happy, joyful life. A life that is realistic but simply beautiful. A life where my children are clothed, fed, educated and loved so they are healthy and happy. A life where I am in love with the man I share my bed with. A life where I love my job. A life where I am proud of the body I walk around in. A life full of solid relationships with family and friends, fostering real connections with the ones closest to me.

Inspiration is intermittent

Inspiration is defined as "the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something" or "a sudden brilliant and timely idea".

Lauren Gleisberg is not only inspiring, she's real. She talks about acceptance; acknowledging things aren't what you want them to be but being okay with that. It's something I continue to aspire to. While I am working on something, I aim to be okay with it in the state it is. My mantra lately has been "if things aren't adding up - start subtracting".

As part of my personal development for 2017 I have been working not only on my physical self (this shell I carry around for all the world to see) but also on my emotional, spiritual and mental self as well. I like learning new things and would be a perpetual student if only it paid. But I also think that emotional intelligence is worth aspiring to. So I have been reading. Well, if I am honest, I have been listening. I started with Brene Brown's The Power of Vulnerability. I love Brene. She's one of my favourite researchers. Shes compassionate, witty and charismatic while still being a nerd (which I love).

I'm now onto Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari which is much heavier than The Power of Vulnerability but equally interesting. A scientist at heart, genetics has always intrigued me. I find evolution fascinating and human evolution is something I find incredibly enlightening. It gives such great insights into the way in which we function as a society.

I digress. I was talking about inspiration and how it ebbs and flows. I find inspiration completely fascinating. What one person finds inspirational, another can interpret as confronting or even offensive. We, as humans, often look to others for inspiration - what they do, say or post online is often a source of inspiration. We glean inspiration from art, music and literature. Some people find inspiration in nature or meditation. But there is another under-utilised source of inspiration too - our own ideas.

I have been listening to Stephen Guise's Mini Habits. It's a game changer. It talks not about motivation or inspiration but about strategy. About a way in which you can sustain motivation. FOREVER! I'm not going to give his research away for free, I do thoroughly recommend the book though. Suffice to say, inspiration is intermittent but you can find ways to sustain the activities you love on a daily basis (think Tony Robbins) by making small steps towards them every single day.

So, what is it that you want in your life? How can you add it in to your daily life so that you are progressively working towards your ideal state?

For me, there are a number of things I am focusing on at the moment

1. Clean eating - I stripped out sugar from my diet before Christmas but I am progressively working towards a more balanced and varied diet
2. Training hard - heavier weights, more reps, longer sessions at the gym
3. Relaxation - stretching, meditation, conscious thought
4. Fluid intake - at least 4L of water a day
5. Mental stimulation - reading (or listening to books on tape which is much easier when travelling) at least every second day
6. Writing - free therapy
7. Photography - my only creative outlet

Like Walter Elliot says, "Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other".