Last week I married my love. When putting together the order of service, I couldn't find a reading I liked. So, I wrote my own.
So, this is love
A love that, after the explosion of falling in love, has deep roots and a strong core
A reliable love that is carefully maintained, strengthened by habit and reinforced with random acts of kindness
A harmonious love that allows both parties to be free to follow their dreams knowing they have the full support of the other
A safe love that is accepting of flaws but encourages growth
A quiet love that pulls into light all the beautiful things that no one else had looked far enough to find
A strong love that builds not only a home but temple in which we both flourish
An honest love that promotes happiness in all its forms
A pure love that allows us both to be openly and unapologetically who we really are at the core of our beings; for this alone is where true and lasting love can live and grow
A realistic love that knows there’s no such thing as a fairy-tale ending but works hard to make every day a dream
A predictable love involving warming feet on calves on cool winter nights, nourishing our bodies with meal prep on Saturday and feeding our souls with breakfast on Sunday
A warm love of falling asleep in each other’s arms and waking entangled
A delicate love with a perfect blend of passion and calmness that together brings the deepest contentment
A cheeky, spontaneous love that supports mid-week cocktails to celebrate the small achievements in life
A practical love that takes out the rubbish on a rainy Sunday night, collects snotty tissues from the recesses of the couch and pulls entangled clothes apart when doing the washing
A broad love that extends to my beautiful children
A permanent love where commitment is not only to one another but to our inner selves
Tuesday, 3 October 2017
Saturday, 12 August 2017
Bad ass women
I just finished reading Jen Sincero's 'You are a Badass' as recommended by the beautiful Nik Toth who I had the pleasure of working with recently in preparing my body for walking down the aisle. I have also recently signed up for Domonique Bertolucci's Brilliant Life Academy. These are but three examples of women dominating in their field.
Driven, enlightened, motivated and unrelenting. These women are not only inspirational, they are real. They know that, regardless of how goal-focused they are that they will have times when they waiver. What matters is that you rebound. Whether it be eating something that puts you behind in your body goals, making a bad financial decision or letting the crappiness of life affect your internal happiness, these women know how to bounce back up. They accept that they are human or that things sometimes don't quite go according to plan, remind themselves of their intention, stand up and own their actions and refocus.
Resilience is abundant in nature. A tree subjected to unrelenting onshore winds doesn't give up, it grows on with a bend in it's trunk and serious fiber thickening on the windward side and softer tissues on the leeward. Acacias perish in fire but their soil seed bank laid down over years are scoured by fire and sprout with vigour following fire. Hakea have a near hundred percent mortality rate in fire but their hard woody seed capsules open in response to smoke, ensuring they reseed the naked ground following fire taking full advantage of the high nutrient ash environment. Scrape the ground in the Australian desert (bulldozer lines as a fire-break are a good example) and a year later orchids will bloom en masse. A fern seed that lands on the side of the building finds water dripping from a leaky roof and sprouts, its roots breaking through the mortar and holding on tight. Mushroom spores will bloom through asphalt, cracking it and pushing their little fungi through the coarse coating.
Plants are bad asses. They see an opportunity and they go for it. They grow and bloom in the most hostile environments.
If plants can do this, surely humans can too. Let's all become the bad ass that lives within us. We all have a gift to give. If we give it with as much tenacity as the fern on the side of a dilapidated building imagine how amazing the world would be. Find your inner fire and pursue it with unforgiving energy and enthusiasm. The world needs it but most of all you deserve it.
And this applies to me too.
Driven, enlightened, motivated and unrelenting. These women are not only inspirational, they are real. They know that, regardless of how goal-focused they are that they will have times when they waiver. What matters is that you rebound. Whether it be eating something that puts you behind in your body goals, making a bad financial decision or letting the crappiness of life affect your internal happiness, these women know how to bounce back up. They accept that they are human or that things sometimes don't quite go according to plan, remind themselves of their intention, stand up and own their actions and refocus.
Resilience is abundant in nature. A tree subjected to unrelenting onshore winds doesn't give up, it grows on with a bend in it's trunk and serious fiber thickening on the windward side and softer tissues on the leeward. Acacias perish in fire but their soil seed bank laid down over years are scoured by fire and sprout with vigour following fire. Hakea have a near hundred percent mortality rate in fire but their hard woody seed capsules open in response to smoke, ensuring they reseed the naked ground following fire taking full advantage of the high nutrient ash environment. Scrape the ground in the Australian desert (bulldozer lines as a fire-break are a good example) and a year later orchids will bloom en masse. A fern seed that lands on the side of the building finds water dripping from a leaky roof and sprouts, its roots breaking through the mortar and holding on tight. Mushroom spores will bloom through asphalt, cracking it and pushing their little fungi through the coarse coating.
Plants are bad asses. They see an opportunity and they go for it. They grow and bloom in the most hostile environments.
If plants can do this, surely humans can too. Let's all become the bad ass that lives within us. We all have a gift to give. If we give it with as much tenacity as the fern on the side of a dilapidated building imagine how amazing the world would be. Find your inner fire and pursue it with unforgiving energy and enthusiasm. The world needs it but most of all you deserve it.
And this applies to me too.
Thursday, 18 May 2017
Journey to radiance
If you liken me to a car, or maybe a truck because they 'live' for longer, I had a major overhaul following separation. It was a pretty intense rebuild. Close to write-off, I had to reform myself from the chassis up. New wheels, rims, engine, body, transmission - the works. But it turns out that there are still some dents. Each time I think I am healed something will happen to set me back and the work begins again.
Transformation is never easy. And there's a reason the butterfly builds a cocoon - no one wants to see that hard work that is involved in change.
Transformation is also not quick. You cannot wake up one morning and be different. It takes time. Dedication. Commitment. Change is achieved through consistently different behaviour.
I can see my flaws. I am not ashamed of imperfection. I try my best every day. Some days are better than others but I persist. I have a dream and a plan to get there and I inch my way forward day by day.
I see the life I want. A life of integrity - where what I believe, what I say and what I do are aligned. They are mismatched at the moment. Financial pressure, social obligation (perceived or real, I am not sure) and family expectations mean that I am somewhat limited in the choices I have. Every life coach will tell you differently - that you can make any choice you want for a different life - but the reality is that life comes with caveats. Children solidify these. Once you have children you are obligated forever. This is not something I would ever begrudge; it is merely a statement of fact. Having children means you have financial, biological and emotional obligations that can never again be ignored.
That doesn't mean I am trapped forever. It's not all doom and gloom. But it might take me longer to get to where I want to be than I would like it to.
In the meanwhile, I will work consistently and diligently to improve my situation. Each day I make choices that lead me to a radiant, happy, joyful life. A life that is realistic but simply beautiful. A life where my children are clothed, fed, educated and loved so they are healthy and happy. A life where I am in love with the man I share my bed with. A life where I love my job. A life where I am proud of the body I walk around in. A life full of solid relationships with family and friends, fostering real connections with the ones closest to me.
Transformation is never easy. And there's a reason the butterfly builds a cocoon - no one wants to see that hard work that is involved in change.
Transformation is also not quick. You cannot wake up one morning and be different. It takes time. Dedication. Commitment. Change is achieved through consistently different behaviour.
I can see my flaws. I am not ashamed of imperfection. I try my best every day. Some days are better than others but I persist. I have a dream and a plan to get there and I inch my way forward day by day.
I see the life I want. A life of integrity - where what I believe, what I say and what I do are aligned. They are mismatched at the moment. Financial pressure, social obligation (perceived or real, I am not sure) and family expectations mean that I am somewhat limited in the choices I have. Every life coach will tell you differently - that you can make any choice you want for a different life - but the reality is that life comes with caveats. Children solidify these. Once you have children you are obligated forever. This is not something I would ever begrudge; it is merely a statement of fact. Having children means you have financial, biological and emotional obligations that can never again be ignored.
That doesn't mean I am trapped forever. It's not all doom and gloom. But it might take me longer to get to where I want to be than I would like it to.
In the meanwhile, I will work consistently and diligently to improve my situation. Each day I make choices that lead me to a radiant, happy, joyful life. A life that is realistic but simply beautiful. A life where my children are clothed, fed, educated and loved so they are healthy and happy. A life where I am in love with the man I share my bed with. A life where I love my job. A life where I am proud of the body I walk around in. A life full of solid relationships with family and friends, fostering real connections with the ones closest to me.
Friday, 5 May 2017
Inspiration is intermittent
Inspiration is defined as "the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something" or "a sudden brilliant and timely idea".
Lauren Gleisberg is not only inspiring, she's real. She talks about acceptance; acknowledging things aren't what you want them to be but being okay with that. It's something I continue to aspire to. While I am working on something, I aim to be okay with it in the state it is. My mantra lately has been "if things aren't adding up - start subtracting".
As part of my personal development for 2017 I have been working not only on my physical self (this shell I carry around for all the world to see) but also on my emotional, spiritual and mental self as well. I like learning new things and would be a perpetual student if only it paid. But I also think that emotional intelligence is worth aspiring to. So I have been reading. Well, if I am honest, I have been listening. I started with Brene Brown's The Power of Vulnerability. I love Brene. She's one of my favourite researchers. Shes compassionate, witty and charismatic while still being a nerd (which I love).
I'm now onto Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari which is much heavier than The Power of Vulnerability but equally interesting. A scientist at heart, genetics has always intrigued me. I find evolution fascinating and human evolution is something I find incredibly enlightening. It gives such great insights into the way in which we function as a society.
I digress. I was talking about inspiration and how it ebbs and flows. I find inspiration completely fascinating. What one person finds inspirational, another can interpret as confronting or even offensive. We, as humans, often look to others for inspiration - what they do, say or post online is often a source of inspiration. We glean inspiration from art, music and literature. Some people find inspiration in nature or meditation. But there is another under-utilised source of inspiration too - our own ideas.
I have been listening to Stephen Guise's Mini Habits. It's a game changer. It talks not about motivation or inspiration but about strategy. About a way in which you can sustain motivation. FOREVER! I'm not going to give his research away for free, I do thoroughly recommend the book though. Suffice to say, inspiration is intermittent but you can find ways to sustain the activities you love on a daily basis (think Tony Robbins) by making small steps towards them every single day.
So, what is it that you want in your life? How can you add it in to your daily life so that you are progressively working towards your ideal state?
For me, there are a number of things I am focusing on at the moment
Like Walter Elliot says, "Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other".
Lauren Gleisberg is not only inspiring, she's real. She talks about acceptance; acknowledging things aren't what you want them to be but being okay with that. It's something I continue to aspire to. While I am working on something, I aim to be okay with it in the state it is. My mantra lately has been "if things aren't adding up - start subtracting".
As part of my personal development for 2017 I have been working not only on my physical self (this shell I carry around for all the world to see) but also on my emotional, spiritual and mental self as well. I like learning new things and would be a perpetual student if only it paid. But I also think that emotional intelligence is worth aspiring to. So I have been reading. Well, if I am honest, I have been listening. I started with Brene Brown's The Power of Vulnerability. I love Brene. She's one of my favourite researchers. Shes compassionate, witty and charismatic while still being a nerd (which I love).
I'm now onto Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari which is much heavier than The Power of Vulnerability but equally interesting. A scientist at heart, genetics has always intrigued me. I find evolution fascinating and human evolution is something I find incredibly enlightening. It gives such great insights into the way in which we function as a society.
I digress. I was talking about inspiration and how it ebbs and flows. I find inspiration completely fascinating. What one person finds inspirational, another can interpret as confronting or even offensive. We, as humans, often look to others for inspiration - what they do, say or post online is often a source of inspiration. We glean inspiration from art, music and literature. Some people find inspiration in nature or meditation. But there is another under-utilised source of inspiration too - our own ideas.
I have been listening to Stephen Guise's Mini Habits. It's a game changer. It talks not about motivation or inspiration but about strategy. About a way in which you can sustain motivation. FOREVER! I'm not going to give his research away for free, I do thoroughly recommend the book though. Suffice to say, inspiration is intermittent but you can find ways to sustain the activities you love on a daily basis (think Tony Robbins) by making small steps towards them every single day.
So, what is it that you want in your life? How can you add it in to your daily life so that you are progressively working towards your ideal state?
For me, there are a number of things I am focusing on at the moment
- Clean eating - I stripped out sugar from my diet before Christmas but I am progressively working towards a more balanced and varied diet
- Training hard - heavier weights, more reps, longer sessions at the gym
- Relaxation - stretching, meditation, conscious thought
- Fluid intake - at least 4L of water a day
- Mental stimulation - reading (or listening to books on tape which is much easier when travelling) at least every second day
- Writing - free therapy
- Photography - my only creative outlet
Like Walter Elliot says, "Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other".
Tuesday, 18 April 2017
Self-doubt
I'm getting married. Exciting, I know. But I am also terrified. With one failed marriage, I am petrified that I will fail with this one too.
While my fiance is a completely different man to my ex husband, I am still worried that I am making a mistake. I had every intention for my first marriage to last a lifetime, what makes me think that this one will be more successful?
Naturally, I have grown considerably in the last 17 years and I am not the woman I was when I married the first time but I still doubt my ability to make good decisions.
The last few weeks the feeling of dread has grown and infected every part of my day to day life. I have found myself questioning everything. Am I happy? Am I doing the right thing? Do I have my values in tact? Am I overthinking things? Am I not thinking enough? Am I just coasting through life? Am I setting myself up for disaster? Am I overly critical? Should I just relax? Or should I listen to my inner voice?
I am having nightmares again and I feel stressed most of the time. This makes me snappy and overcritical which is unpleasant to be around which just exacerbates my concerns and down the negative feedback loop we go.
As the wedding plans solidify, I get more and more anxious about our relationship. Are we really a good fit? Am I going to be happy with this man for the rest of my life?
Then I look at him and my heart melts. He makes me feel safe, he does all the 'right' things and appears genuinely interested in my well being. We have a shared interest in health and fitness, we both value family, our favourite meal is breakfast and we love movies. That's enough, right?
While my fiance is a completely different man to my ex husband, I am still worried that I am making a mistake. I had every intention for my first marriage to last a lifetime, what makes me think that this one will be more successful?
Naturally, I have grown considerably in the last 17 years and I am not the woman I was when I married the first time but I still doubt my ability to make good decisions.
The last few weeks the feeling of dread has grown and infected every part of my day to day life. I have found myself questioning everything. Am I happy? Am I doing the right thing? Do I have my values in tact? Am I overthinking things? Am I not thinking enough? Am I just coasting through life? Am I setting myself up for disaster? Am I overly critical? Should I just relax? Or should I listen to my inner voice?
I am having nightmares again and I feel stressed most of the time. This makes me snappy and overcritical which is unpleasant to be around which just exacerbates my concerns and down the negative feedback loop we go.
As the wedding plans solidify, I get more and more anxious about our relationship. Are we really a good fit? Am I going to be happy with this man for the rest of my life?
Then I look at him and my heart melts. He makes me feel safe, he does all the 'right' things and appears genuinely interested in my well being. We have a shared interest in health and fitness, we both value family, our favourite meal is breakfast and we love movies. That's enough, right?
Friday, 7 April 2017
Childhood anxiety
Life has been so hectic lately. I know everyone is busy and we all need to make time for self care but, honestly. I am out of control at the moment. Life is too busy. Way busy. All the busy.
I am feeling completely overwhelmed. I have too many things competing for my attention.
On top of a grueling travel schedule for work, I have a wedding to plan, a lot of weight to lose in the next 24 weeks, a potential torn rotator cuff and, most importantly, a daughter who has, in the last five weeks or so, started suffering with anxiety. She's ten. TEN! She's still a baby. She shouldn't be so stressed she cannot cope with life at ten.
While nothing is more important to my children, they're making it hard for me by not answering the phone when they are with their Dad. So, while they are at the forefront of my mind all the time, I cannot seem to get a hold of them and it is driving me mad. I want to be there for them even if I can't BE there for them. Co-sharing children is always a juggle. It is NEVER easy to be away from your children. It pains me literally every day.
But the reality of life is that I have to support them financially and their father doesn't work (and hasn't for eleven years) so the burden is entirely on me to continue to work and earn enough to support the three of them and myself.
While my daughter's anxiety is a serious concern, I also worry about my beautiful boy. He's amazing with her when she's having a panic attack - calm, reassuring, sympathetic - but it can't be easy for him to watch his sister suffer like she is at the moment and I am mindful of the effect that must be having on him at the tender age of thirteen.
I think my daughter needs specialist help. I have spoken to her about this often. She flatly refuses. She has gone so far as to threaten never to see me again if I make an appointment and take her without her consent. Now, I know that I'm the adult and she's the child but I also know that my ex will side with her and I cannot afford a legal battle (and the thought of never seeing her again is too painful to consider) so I feel I have no choice but to find another way to help her. I have done so much online research on childhood anxiety - causes, triggers, strategies and coping mechanisms. I have contacted an expert in child anxiety in Melbourne but they will not 'treat by proxy'. I have also contacted my psychologist but he won't conduct Skype sessions and I am not in Melbourne often enough to see him in person. I have contacted friends who work in the industry and am waiting for some contacts to try other avenues for specific help. Until then I continue to try to coax her into mental stability from afar.
It is not an easy task.
So, I revert back to one of my foundation phrases. A sentence that has pulled me through my own darkness
I am feeling completely overwhelmed. I have too many things competing for my attention.
On top of a grueling travel schedule for work, I have a wedding to plan, a lot of weight to lose in the next 24 weeks, a potential torn rotator cuff and, most importantly, a daughter who has, in the last five weeks or so, started suffering with anxiety. She's ten. TEN! She's still a baby. She shouldn't be so stressed she cannot cope with life at ten.
While nothing is more important to my children, they're making it hard for me by not answering the phone when they are with their Dad. So, while they are at the forefront of my mind all the time, I cannot seem to get a hold of them and it is driving me mad. I want to be there for them even if I can't BE there for them. Co-sharing children is always a juggle. It is NEVER easy to be away from your children. It pains me literally every day.
But the reality of life is that I have to support them financially and their father doesn't work (and hasn't for eleven years) so the burden is entirely on me to continue to work and earn enough to support the three of them and myself.
While my daughter's anxiety is a serious concern, I also worry about my beautiful boy. He's amazing with her when she's having a panic attack - calm, reassuring, sympathetic - but it can't be easy for him to watch his sister suffer like she is at the moment and I am mindful of the effect that must be having on him at the tender age of thirteen.
I think my daughter needs specialist help. I have spoken to her about this often. She flatly refuses. She has gone so far as to threaten never to see me again if I make an appointment and take her without her consent. Now, I know that I'm the adult and she's the child but I also know that my ex will side with her and I cannot afford a legal battle (and the thought of never seeing her again is too painful to consider) so I feel I have no choice but to find another way to help her. I have done so much online research on childhood anxiety - causes, triggers, strategies and coping mechanisms. I have contacted an expert in child anxiety in Melbourne but they will not 'treat by proxy'. I have also contacted my psychologist but he won't conduct Skype sessions and I am not in Melbourne often enough to see him in person. I have contacted friends who work in the industry and am waiting for some contacts to try other avenues for specific help. Until then I continue to try to coax her into mental stability from afar.
It is not an easy task.
So, I revert back to one of my foundation phrases. A sentence that has pulled me through my own darkness
When you're going through hell, keep going
- Winston Churchill
Tuesday, 17 January 2017
Do what is right
It was Martin Luther King Jr day yesterday (or today if you're in the U.S.). A celebration of a man who fought with his words (the pen is mightier than the sword, after all) and showed the world his dream. Winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, and assassinated for his support of the underprivileged, King was a strong, confident, intelligent man who knew what was right and used his nous to battle the institution.
May we all learn from his example. Long live the King!
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