Make your own path

A friend recently posted this on Facebook stating she has finally learned that looking after herself is not a selfish act. She has learned not to waste time worrying what other people think of her and is setting boundaries to ensure that she is treated with respect. She then urged her friends to put on their boots and walk their own path; to own the cement and keep moving.

Without really thinking, I posted the following in response:

"Mine's an earth path. Carved through stone in some places due to the difficulty of the terrain. These stone-walled sections mark the darkest times of my life but they are where my path is the strongest"

I haven't been able to let go of this. It has been nearly two weeks and my mind keeps returning to it. Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I don't make meaningful decisions lightly. I ponder, think, rethink, analyse and assess in every minute detail before I make a decision that is likely to have a lasting effect on my life. Once I have made a decision, however, it is like a switch has been flicked and there is no turning back. It's just how I am. While I am very forgiving and patient, there are no second chances once I have decided to move on.

I have been struggling for a couple of months. I've mentioned my physical health has been less than perfect. Though I eat clean and train mean, I am not immune to health issues. I have battled menorrhagia since my early teens. As I approach forty, however, it's do or die time. Not literally. It's more occupy or evacuate. But there's more to it than that. There are wider things going on. I am fighting battles on a number of fronts and I am feeling worn out.

I am struggling with broken promises; a real bug bear of mine. I hate feeling like I have been set up. I loathe the thought that someone has pulled the wool over my eyes. I don't like being taken advantage of. So I am faced with a decision - do I keep plodding on or make a decision that will change my path and have me chipping away at rock again? The easy path is so tempting. Most easy things are. On the contrary, I feel like I have worked too hard to stop now. A part of me cannot let go of the fact that I have spent way too much of my life waiting for the things that I want. That I have been patient for a very long time and never seen what was promised to me. I cannot seem to let go of that.

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