As I listened to Emeli Sande's 'Read All About It' the line "You've got the heart as loud as lions" really struck a chord with me. I am often moved by lyrics. They make me think about life and about the choices in life. About the stuff that really matters. This was on the back of seeing The Rock's 'San Andreas' where his characterised marriage to the mother of the leading lady of the film nearly ends because he didn't know how to open up. I struggle to do this too. I struggle to have deep and meaningful conversations. This is mainly because I am a people pleaser. So, when I do have these kind of discussions, I tend to make decisions that lead to happiness for the other person; rather than my own happiness.
I have real issues with the way in which I make decisions. I am overly conscious about other people. I worry about what they will say, how they will feel and how my decisions affect them. While consideration for others is important, it means that I always miss out. My heart is so big, so generous and so giving that I put others' needs ahead of my own.
I have been trying to focus on me and my needs. I have tried to be better at looking after myself. I have done all that I can to make sure I am okay; that I am not going to lose myself again. I fear that I will let go of my dreams again and am conscious of that. However, my selflessness often means that these ideals slip and my lion heart ends up breaking. Again.
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