Butterfly effect

In chaos theory, the butterfly effect (now a movie) explains the sensitive dependence on initial conditions where a small state of change can result in large changes in the end result. That's a fancy way of saying that, given the same starting point, a small change/different decision can make a huge difference to the end game.

I often wonder how my life might be different now if I had have done things only slightly differently years ago. Somewhat like Sliding Doors, but where I get a better haircut than Gwyneth.

For example, I was looking to buy a property in Brunswick in my first year of uni. It would have been a huge financial burden while I was studying. I was working part time while studying full time and a mortgage would have literally killed my social life. My father convinced me not to buy. His wise words at the time were "you only live once. Have some fun while you are young. There are plenty of years where you get to be a grown up". I took heed to hi advice. I spent my money on vodka. I had a great time - the uni years were some of the best of my life - but I do regret not making that purchase. It would have set me up for life.

Or travelling. I had a long term relationship end very badly when I was in my early twenties. I was on the verge of travelling overseas but decided that it was a reckless decision. If I had have travelled  I doubt I would have ended up married to the man I did. I wanted to go to New York for my twenty fifth birthday, instead we saved the money and decided to try for children. This is a decision I will never regret (I adore my children and would not have my life without them) but I do wonder how travel would have changed me as a person. And the trip I did take to Thailand. I wonder where I would be if I had not have taken that leap of faith and spent the week by myself; challenging my body and mind. I doubt the wonderful man I am with now would have asked me out.

We make countless decisions all day long. We will never know which one, or sequence of multiple decisions, brings us to our final resting place.

I an honestly say that there are few things I regret in my life. Almost all of them are things I have NOT done. The things that I have done have led me to the place that I am right now. And, though my life is not perfect (I desperately want to have my babies with me full time), I am pretty fucking happy. I am in love with the spunkiest, sweetest, kindest man. I have two beautiful children. I have a family I can depend on. I have a couple of truly solid friends. My life is rich in so many ways.