Better man

When will all of this make sense?

How do I move forward hence?

I am told I'll find a better man

I fear, however, there's no way I can

For I am scarred, beaten, lost

I'm lonely, worthless, cold as frost

I am, right now, lower than low

What could I have to offer a beau?

My breasts have fed two precious babes

My heart has suffered slowly with tabes

Wrapped in barbed wire and thoroughly scarred 

My heart is damaged, useless, marred 

My brain is fried 

I've cried and cried (and cried and cried)

I've turned inward and cringed at the sight

I've wanted to die and thought I might

I've battled illness, I've fought alone

I've become a wretched ugly crone

I want to be able to crank it up; become super lady 

To face the world, to shut them up, shun all that's shady

I want it all and now is good

I've been holding back, I thought I should

Until now I've done it all for others

Husband, children, sister, mothers 

Now it's up to me, myself

I lay upon the dusty shelf

I have no life or love to offer

I will hold my feelings in a coffer

A tiny part wants to prove the neigh sayers wrong

I'll probably instead just turn to song

Sing out of time and out of key

Revert my name to nee

Tell lies of how okay I am

While dining on crepes with jam

I'll wash it down with tales of how

I'm bound to do much better now

For now I am rid of ball and chain

Destined to never love again

For I am broken, scarred and scared

It matters not what's in my head

For men want only what's in my pants

While I just want to dance, dance, dance

So I'll stick with skirts 

And sweet desserts

I'll take the good, the bad, the ugly

I'll lie in bed at night, smugly

Knowing that they'll never

Have it all, ever

That's their loss cause here's a dame

Who's smart and fun and is game

A lady who can play the fool

While knowing that you'll 

Rue the day

You let this fish away

For each and every man I've loved

Has pushed and pulled and tugged and shoved

And tried to make me fit a mould

With a notch, a groove, a full on fold

I've never been just quite enough

Close but perhaps a little rough

I've tolerated more than I should

Been through a whole lot more than most ever could

And when I've left they're full of regret 

Each admitting that they've just let

The lady of their dreams slip by

Yet they willing allow me to fly

So I cannot have meant that much to them

I'm a piece of fluff, lint, some phlegm 

The evidence mounts atop 

As I fall deeper down the drop

My self esteem takes a pounding

The truth it is resounding

But I'll take it firmly on the chin

Face the world with a superficial grin

I'll battle wars that can't be won

And spin the whirlwind til it's spun

I'll come out stronger, tougher, meaner

I'll be battle ready, internally cleaner

I'll build stone walls around 

From deep within the underground

I'll prepare my romantic tendencies 

And remove all propensity towards dependencies

I'll be completely self reliant

I'll be cruel and defiant

I'll be nothing like me at all

For no one wants that shortfall 

I'll model myself on someone else

Like ScarJo or a Christmas Elf

I'll find a way to hide my faults

Stick myself back with nuts and bolts

Cover the over with powder and gloss

Pretend I'm not bitter and cross

I'll play the part and meet the need

I'll clean the house, provide the feed

I'll let go of all my dreams

I'll buy the lotions and the creams 

Or; I'll take the high road

Break the code

Yell "Fuck you suckers! "

Chat to truckers

Meet more randoms, dance with strangers

Live my life, screw the dangers

I'm meant for more

I'll hit the core

I'll find a way to shake the tree

Get the nuts AND be free

I will find love one day 

One day it will find a way

I will tell the truth

We will French kiss in a booth 

I'll call him on his shit 

And not worry that he'll hit

For though he may threatened in jest

I know that he'll know that I'm the best

I'll drink with him and eat good food

He won't care that I'm crude

He'll laugh at all my stupid jokes 

He'll tolerate, then love my folks

I'll show him all the nasty shit inside

I won't care if he runs to hide

I've hidden from that crap

There's so much you need a map!

But that won't matter because you see

This time I'll let him see me

And if I am not good enough 

Then he can try to call my bluff

Because I will no longer settle

Only the best for me or hit the metal

I'll determine who is best

Not my sister, mother or the rest

I am a fussy bitch you see

Only the best get to be with me

No more compromising from now on

The ugly ducking is a swan

And swans seek out clean water

So all you second grade men oughtta

Just step aside and let my shine 

Cause the dance floor is now mine

And I may not be professionally trained 

But what I have can't be detained

I am full of life you see

Mischief, fun and a side of Brie

I have two children, they come first

I love them so much I could burst

But I have plenty of love left over

A different kind, saved for The Drover

I am special, not unique 

The perfect blend of strong and weak

I will light your fire 

Hell, I'll even change your tyre

But don't be reckless with my heart

It is quite the work of art

Covered in scars 

It looks like the sky of stars

Pocked and stitched 

It probably would be best switched

But it's mine and it tells a story 

Not of fame nor power nor of glory

One of truth and love and betrayal 

In it lies the holy grail

For there is love more deep and true

Reserved for only a select few

Once you're in you're good as gold

For my love will never fold

It will endure forever 

It will survive whatever

Happens in the future

It changes, morphs, needs a suture

But it will survive 

For I will keep it alive

For now I bide my time

Knowing that this bullshit rhyme

Is nothing but a firm reminder 

That I need to be much kinder

To myself and all my flaws

To clutch those straws

And hold on tight

Hold on with all my might

Because I'm worthy, just as I am

If you don't think so watch the door slam