Imaginings

I saw a psychologist when I was going through separation. He set me a task and it took me literally eight months of daily deliberation to be able to answer it. A seemingly simple question, he asked "what do you want your life to look like in three years?".

Having completely lost myself in the decade prior to that question, I found it so incredibly hard to answer. Hell, it took me weeks to choose mugs for my house because I honestly did not know what I liked. I had to learn, or re-learn (I'm still not sure which), everything about myself. From what foods I liked, to how I wanted to dress and how I spent my time. That period of self discovery was painful, challenging and confronting in its rawness.

It was only when I pulled myself out of my life and took myself off to Thailand and ran for three hours over a mountain that I was able to answer that question. And the response came flooding. I sat on the beach, drenched in sweat and my vision poured from me without hesitation.

I could see the house I wanted to live in, the colour of the picket fence, the depth of the deck, the shape of the pillars on the verandah. I could describe the man I wanted to share my life with. I could imagine the relationships in my life - my children, my sister and her kids, my mum and dad, my cousins and aunts and uncles and my nearest and dearest friends. I could see my office where I would write. I visualised the life I wanted - active, healthy and happily balanced.

That exercise which haunted me for months was my turning point. As soon as I had a clear idea of what I truly wanted, my life started to transform. I had a destination. I knew where I wanted to get to and it was easy to carve a path towards that. Nearly two years have gone past since that day and, while I don't have the house of my dreams and I am still working for the man, I am pretty damn close to where I want to be. And I am proud of that.