I feel like my relationships have degraded. I'm not healthy. I'm stressed and tired all the time. I'm borderline anxious; I can feel rising pressure in my chest every Sunday night as I anticipate another week of torture at work.
One contributing factor is travel. I love to travel. I love exploring the world - my ultimate job would be to travel the world taking photos and writing of my experiences. But travel for work is a different beast altogether. Travel for work involves early flights, long hours in a strange office, crappy meals (often at odd hours), lack of routine and disconnection. Travel for work puts you at the mercy of the organisation. Seen as a perk, managers expect you to be grateful for the opportunity. Rather than show appreciation, senior company officials are more likely to expect gratitude for giving you the "opportunity" to travel. Like you look forward to being away from home and the people you love. Like its an honour and privilege to spend no more than two consecutive nights in your own bed.
Sure, occasional travel for work IS good. I don't doubt or rebuke that for a second. But weekly travel to the same destination week in week out for months is nothing but exhausting. It's not glamorous to come home at ten on a Friday night, spend your weekend washing clothes to repack into your suitcase and leave again at three on a Monday morning. Without enough time to unwind the coil gets spun tighter and tighter.
Things that ordinarily wouldn't be an issue become serious. Fights. Tension. Lack of communication. It all takes its toll.
And when the benefit goes to the company, no one is a winner. Except maybe the CEO who's on a bonus scheme.
Personally it's the definition of madness. Giving your entire week (not the standard 9-5) to work is unhealthy at best; psychopathic at worst.
Eventually something snaps. Usually it's relationships and generally that with your significant other.
Sadly I can see that railroad and the crash is coming.
Being tied to a job is hard at the best of times. Having to work to pay the bills and support children is part of being an adult and I accept that responsibility. But when your job morphs into something different to what you signed up for without any movement to compensate you for that change then something is going to break. Either it's home life or work life. The choice is yours. Well, the choice is currently mine, actually.
I have tried to make my situation work. I have laboured for months with late nights and early mornings to do the job well. I take great pride in my work. I am diligent, loyal, punctual and dedicated. I'm determined and thoroughly committed to the work that I do. I insist on doing things well. I'm proud of the work that I do and the standards I uphold. I produce quality work, I meet deadlines and I take responsibility for my downfalls (no one is infallible). I'm the closest to a model employee as I have ever seen (this is hard to admit as I am also excessively critical of myself).
But when work starts to jeopardise the things that matter most to me; I will not choose work. I will not let a job ruin my relationship. I choose my children, my partner, my family and my friends. Every day.
While I am loyal I am not stupid. I'm a smart, honest and pragmatic person. Sure, most of the time I follow my heart but I am blessed with a level head that I can rely on in times like these.
Times like these call for action. This situation could go one of two ways. I'm honestly not fussed which path is opened up to me but I am no longer staying on the one I have been trudging along.
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