Solitude

Time alone is rare for me these days. I am generally only alone when I travel to pick the kids up once a fortnight and on my daily commute to and from work.

For me, solitude means time to think. Being the person I am, I need time to think about things. I am not the kind of person that leaps into action without thorough consideration. In fact, I have the tendency to overthink things.

While, on one hand, I love that I have a true partner in life, someone who stands by me regardless of what is going on, lately I find that I am lacking time to think. In the morning, my commute is filled with mind-mapping the day ahead. On the way home, I usually call my mother, sister or a friend as it is dedicated time to keeping in touch with the people I love.

Most of the time, I am fine with being around my man 24/7. I have found recently, however, that I am struggling to wind down at night. I still have things playing around in my mind that are unresolved.

I am craving some alone time to find a way forward in my head. Once I have this position, I will then be able to act on whatever answers I find.

I always find the festive season hard. My ex-husband was not particularly social so I used to feel very isolated, when I was single there was the dread of yet ANOTHER year where I was attending events with the stigma associated with a single mother, this year I am finding everything frantic. There are too many things on the go. Added to that is the fact that work is hectic. I have not had time to study for months and I feel like a complete failure. I had a full year to study my diploma and I have not managed to submit a single unit for assessment. I can console myself with the fact that illness marred much of this year and that next year (should) be better in that regard.

My man and I are heading to New Zealand in mid December to spend Christmas with his family and I feel like I need a little 'me' time before we embark on that. He has organised a BBQ so I can meet his friends (which I am both really looking forward to but also dreading for I know the judging that will go with it and I really hope I cut the mustard). I have wild dreams of losing 5-10kg before we taxi down that runway and those dreams are fast becoming a fairy tale.

So, in among the frantic rush that is the pre-Christmas season, I am also going to attempt to cut back on eating crap AND increase how much exercise I do. Seems crazy, I know, but I don't do things by halves.

In an attempt to grab a little 'me' time this week, I have booked a massage for Saturday morning. Hopefully that puts me in a good brain space for the rest of the weekend and I can recharge before another hectic week at work.