I hate waiting. While I am a reasonably patient person, being a proactive and enthusiastic, I find it hard to understand people who don't jump at their dreams. Especially if they are easily attainable.
I am currently struggling emotionally with the uncertainty that comes from the inaction of others. While I am trying to adjust my ways and not let the actions of others colour the way I feel, I am frustrated by my inability to influence the future.
On two accounts, I feel like I am in limbo and dependent on others to find my way forward. I hate feeling like this. Individually, I would probably cope but with two concurrent similar situations I start to wonder whether the problem is actually me rather than the other people involved. Am I actually an awful person? Am I no worthy of being treated with respect and love? Am I a play thing that others get joy out of manipulating?
I am struggling to find the logic to support the wait. I just cannot get my head around it.
So as to better understand the way I am feeling at the moment, I recently read a number of papers on the psychology of waiting; many of which were based on the same study, the marshmallow experiment.
While the articles mainly deal with queues for service and delayed gratification, the principles are the same regardless of the wait period involved.
As a grown woman, my experience has not supported the adage that 'good things come to those who wait'. In fact, I have learned that waiting leads to disappointment. Broken promise after broken promise have made me doubt the world. I have learned that words mean nothing. Now, action is the only thing that matters to me. Don't promise me the world if you have no intention of following through. And if you do make promises, get your skates on and act on them. I have spent many long years waiting for things that were promised to me without the action that goes to support the claims. It was one of the ways my ex kept me hanging. I don't like the way it makes me feel and I refuse to maintain relationships that are based on those behaviours.
We are all a product of our collective experiences. Life teaches us lessons whether we like it or not. As Robin S proclaims, "Heartbreak and promises. I've had more than my share. I’m tired of giving my love and getting nowhere. What I need is somebody who really cares. I really need a lover, a lover who wants to be there... I can’t put my love on the line... Words are so easy to say... you’ve got to show me love ... Don’t you promise me the world, all that I’ve already heard. This time around for me, actions speak louder than words"
Now, I am not so naïve as to think that I can have everything I want straight away. There are constraints in life to getting to where I want to be - money is the biggest. I am actually quite a patient person. Within reason. But an unnecessary wait is, to my mind, by definition, unwarranted.
In an ideal world, people would live up to their promises. They would not play with the emotions of others. Nor would they string them along with false pretences.
I realise that it is my responsibility to ensure that people don't mistreat me. Problem is, I am so used to this type of treatment that I am completely unsure as to how to change the situation.
More research and reflection is required. I will make this my beach time task over the summer break. If actions is not forthcoming beforehand, I will while away the hours pondering how I am going to make forward progress on these two items.
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