Emotionally draining

My ex told me recently that he couldn't contribute to running the family home when we were together because I am emotionally draining to be around. While I acknowledge that he is hurting and possibly says things out of fear, rejection and anger I am also investing a lot of energy into addressing my issues. I am concerned that I am fundamentally flawed and incapable of being loved. That I am not worth being treated well.

I have a standard that I expect from someone I share my life with - honesty, respect and compassion being uppermost on my list. The thing is, I don't believe I deserve that. As I am not demanding I don't get it.

I stayed in my marriage for many years trying to get respect but it just was not there. Now that I am not with him, he's doing all the things I asked of him. The hurtful truth is that it I was not worth his time and effort. He says this is because he no longer has to deal with my shit.

I know I am not perfect and I have been spending a great deal of time lately trying to work on my issues. I am concerned that I am flawed at the deepest core of who I am and that I cannot change that. It's akin to asking me to change the colour of my eyes.

Regardless of what I do I am unable to deal well with rejection. I am not secure in myself so I tend to get jealous. I worry about everything and tend to overanalyse the world. I am too kind. I am not a good conversationalist. I am pretty boring; I don't have a suite of hobbies or skills. I lack motivation and tend to make bad decisions. I am programmed to seek validation. I am fussy and tend to be hard to please. It's no wonder I'm where I am.