Occlumency

I am learning occlumency as a defense against my own legilimency. I have a way of fucking myself over all in the confines of my head. I can make a lie the truth. I can turn a simple act or non-act into some gigantic deal. I am my own worst enemy. I am an expert at degrading myself and setting off a downward spiral.

I have low self esteem and am a sensitive soul which proves to be a lethal combination. I need a lot of reassurance which can be tiring for others.

I am working really hard on not needing other people. I am hardening my heart and building walls but that goes against my natural instincts. I am using breath, music and exercise to cope when my head starts to take over. I am also trying something my cousin suggested - thinking about something positive about myself each morning and focusing on that for the day.

I choose to surround myself with people who build me up.  Blocking those who drag me down out of my life for now.  I need to surround myself with positive thoughts that will bolster my ego.

My biggest battle is to turn my thoughts around.  Every time doubt comes niggling in, I squash it like a bug and try to move forward.  I am looking for positive things about me.  I am a warrior against my own negativity.  I will beat it back with a stick until it gets the idea and runs away.

Run, negativity, run!