I am genuinely a nice person. I want good things for people, especially those that I love. I am generous and kind. I go out of my way to make people happy. I am thoughtful and reliable. I am honest and fiercely loyal. Most of the time, I see these traits as strengths. There are plenty of times, though, where I see that life would be a hell of a lot easier if I didn't care. There are days when I want to build up my walls and harden my heart to protect myself from getting hurt.
There is also a side of me that is cheeky. I have a strong sense of fun, something that I am allowing myself to experience again after a long period of seriousness. My cheekiness is often misunderstood and taken as passive aggression. I am in no way an aggressive person. There are plenty of situations where I possibly should be more aggressive and vindictive but it's not who I am and I am done pretending. I am done with trying to please people by proclaiming to be something I am not. It has not served me well in the past and I will not go back over the same ground again.
I would much rather be Miss Understood.
I am me. Understand it or not; it is not going to change again. I am not going to make excuses for who I am. I am not going to apologise for being needy or sensitive . I am not going to stop dancing just because someone tells me I am no good at it. I am not going to sign up to a dating site. I am not going to stop chasing the things that I love or seeking fun in life. I am not going to become a couch potato to make other people feel more comfortable about the choices they make. I will not relinquish my morals because other people believe that I should. I am not going to sit home and mope.
I am going to run at Oh My God o'clock and go to the gym twice in one night. I will cook my meals from scratch, bake and mow my own lawns. I am going to paint my nails at midnight then sit and watch a movie until they dry. I'll wear jeans rather than tracksuit pants when I am at home and dress up to go to the movies. I am going to eat what I want, when I want (even if that means lunch at 1900). I will retreat into my own thoughts when I need to mull things over. I will spoil the people I love and give more than I should without any thought for payback. I will treat others with respect. I will tell the people I love that I love them, often so they are well aware of where they stand. I will write whether it makes me laugh or cry because I find it therapeutic. I endeavour to take life by the balls and squeeze it until every last drop is gone even if that means I only sleep a couple of hours a night.
Like it or lump it, I really don't care. I will not tolerate being anything less than who I am because I am pretty great. I will never again relinquish my authenticity. If people like me then that's great. If they don't then that's okay. There are plenty of other people in the world and they are sure to find someone else that suits them. But when people stick around and want to spend time with me, I will know that it is the real me they like; not a cheap veneer. Those that stick with me will be treated well for that is how I roll.
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