I over think everything. I take offence easy, apparently where none was intended. I feel constantly misunderstood - like I speak a different language to everyone else. I am continually disappointed in myself for I form attachments too easily; leaving myself open to intense feelings of rejection and abandonment.
I have been on the cusp of entering into the big bad roller coaster ride of dating. I loathe online dating so I'm not keen on going there but it seems no one meets organically anymore. Friends and family are unwilling to introduce potential partners anymore for fear that the relationship will fail and the initial friendship suffers. This is compounded by the fact that I am somewhat socially awkward which means no guy is ever going to approach me in public. There are days where I feel completely trapped by myself.
So, I turn back to the fact that I'm mostly okay by myself. I'm not miserable with my own company. I'm focusing on finding hobbies that quiet my mind and take me out of the space where I realise my life is completely fucked and to a calm, tranquil space. I managed to do some photography during the week. And the kids and I painted yesterday. I've never been particularly creative or talented at any pursuit. I've not been blessed with any skills. So, this is trial and error. An adventure in getting to know myself again. A way of exploring new ideas to try to get my mind to shut the hell up.
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