One day

One day I will wake up and feel able to face the world. One day I will be able to look in the mirror without wanting to vomit with disgust. One day I will get through twenty four hours without crying uncontrollably. One day I will smile and it will be genuine. One day I will not feel pain with every breath. One day things will be less hectic. One day I will find the scars of my past no longer weep. One day I will have healed from this trauma. One day I won't have to fake it because I will truly like the person the I am. One day my values will fully align with my actions.

I know this because each day I am getting stronger. Each day I make a little bit of progress. Some days I fall into a heap. Some days are just awful. But I have worked a long time on many issues and I'm determined to win.

I'm putting myself first. Something I haven't done since I was in my teens. I'm focusing on building my foundation. I'm bound in my lighthouse, licking my wounds and healing them cleanly. The scars will forever be there but I refuse to be held down. I'm eating well. I'm taking time for me. I'm worrying less about others (my children aside; as they will always be my priority). I'm saying no. I'm not entering into the drama of others' lives.

I'm trying to focus on the positive. I'm not taking on board the opinions of others. It matters not what people think of me. What matters is what I think of me. My battle now is to become the person that I am proud of.

I am proud to be kind, caring and generous. I am proud that I am giving and thoughtful and sweet. I like that I am funny and easygoing. I like that I don't take myself too seriously. I like that I have my own life - my independence is important to me. I like that I'm healthy and fit. I like that I take pride in my appearance but I'm not conceited. I'm proud that I'll do anything for the people I love - friends and family alike. I'm glad that I am truly happy when people I love are happy, even if that is to my detriment. I have managed to hold down a job while going through a traumatic separation. I've endured when everyone thought I would fail. I'm resilient.

I am starting to see that I have plenty to like about myself. Now it is a matter of practice and reinforcement. All that's left is to constantly and consistently protect myself from negative external forces while reinforcing the positives.

One day at a time.