Dick sand

My sister and I went to see How to Be Single on the weekend. I love Rebel Wilson - her humor and execution is incredible. She brings so much life and energy to the screen that she is a joy to watch. In one scene, she talks about dick sand. Like quicksand, dick sand is when a woman falls for all the bullshit that the guy she's seeing says.


While I laughed out loud at Rebel's explanation of dick sand but the gravity of the point she was making was not lost on me. Being a trusting person, I tend to lean on the gullible side of life. But this cute analogy is so succinct and accurate in it's description that it hit home. Hard.


It reminds me of Katy Perry's line in Roar 'I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything'. I saw SUCKER in bright white flashing light in front of me during that scene. Rebel talks about knowing yourself enough to not lose yourself when you are in a relationship. 


Guilty as charged.


This is something I have desperately tried to fight in my current relationship. I have actively considered every decision I have made, knowing that I have made decisions in the past just to please my partner. Loving someone means wanting them to be happy. It should not mean losing yourself in the process. I have constantly pushed back on myself to ensure that I don't lose my essence. Yet I look back and I see that nothing much has changed. I can see the dick sand this time but I still step into it.


Watching that movie got me thinking. My man wanted to get married and spent weeks trying to get me to see why that would be great. I come around to the idea and then nothing. Dick sand. At the start of our relationship he talked about buying a place together near the city and renovating it; having babies and creating a life for us together. Then nothing. Dick sand. He took me on so many shopping trips looking for an engagement ring. Fourteen months later.... nothing. Dick sand.


When he is busy at work and asks for help, I drop  everything to help him. When I ask for something he will often wait an hour to respond (by which time I have already worked it out myself). Dick sand.


When he wants coffee, I let me tea go cold and join him. Dick sand.


Even today, when my man said he was looking for a place to have coffee I immediately stopped what I was doing and dedicated ten minutes to find somewhere for him. He ignored every message I sent. So absorbed in his own day, he had already found a place. And I was left feeling like a dick.


Dick sand.


I just keep falling into it.


I struggled for so long to find who I am, to regain my confidence and to make sure that I was honest in my appraisal of myself that I don't want to let that go. So, the last couple of days have included a lot of deep reflection for me and an assessment of my current situation and analysis of what I actually want from my life right now.  The jury is still out - some further thinking is required - but I am can see now how vulnerable I still am (even after all my hard work to regain myself following separation and divorce). Awareness brings with it a certain power. I can now look for instances where I am falling into old habits and make steps to correct this.


Baby steps around the dick sand. No more leaping straight into it for me!!