I've struggled with emotional eating all my life. I turn to (or away from) food when I am stressed. Cutting the ties to emotional eating is harder than longitudinally slicing a carrot.
Logically, I know that food does not hold the answer. I know that I should not seek comfort through my stomach. I know that the resultant guilt that comes from emotional eating far outweighs the instant gratification I receive from indulging. I know that I have to be careful as I have seen family members and friends slip into the world of eating disorder. I know all that, yet I still do it.
By the very nature of it, comfort food brings with it a sense of satisfaction and release. Like a warm hug, dairy and starch carbs bring me a rush of endorphins. I feel momentarily better about the shitty thing that led me to seek respite in the sanctity of the kitchen.
But it is not healthy, neither physically nor emotionally, to seek condolence from a doughnut and thick shake. They cannot solve my problems. Neither option helps me grow (apart from out of my clothing). Dairy will not stand by me. It merely leads to bloating and weight gain.
They say understanding and acknowledgement is the first step in any change process. I understand the reasons I turn to food (I feel alone in the world, I am overwhelmed, I am stressed). I also acknowledge that food is not the answer. In fact, turning to food is counterproductive to my goals of a healthy lifestyle. If only I found solace in carrot sticks.....
However, I am smart enough to see that drinking milk leaves me physically unwell. My tummy swells and I get abdominal pains. I am well overdue to break up with dairy. Like a really good lover, I have allowed dairy to come back into my life over and over again for the cheap thrill and fleeting satisfaction it brings me. But, like a lover, dairy is not a keeper. It is time for me to stop sleeping around and be an adult about this. No more teenage behavior. No more sneaking around to hook up with something that is bad for me. I have made a conscious decision that I don't want that unhealthy relationship anymore. I am severing ties. Akin to deleting and blocking a toxic man from my phone, I am removing dairy from my life. I will resist temptation. I am determined to remain firm. I know that I can be a strong-willed person when I set my mind to something. That time is well overdue. This is my open letter to dairy.
Dear dairy,
You have served me well over the years. You have pulled me through some of my darkest times. You have provided me great comfort when I was all alone. Your ice creamy goodness has cooled me on hot days. Your hot chocolatey heaven has warmed me to my core in winter. Your thick vanilla custard has comforted me. Your yoghurt has been a breakfast favourite; starting some of my most difficult days. And milk, you have covered my cereal, soaked into my oats and padded out my thick shakes.
But, my old flame, you no longer have a place in my diet. I am stronger than I have ever been and I don't need you anymore.
Thank you for the good times we have had. I will remember you fondly (but, when things get bad, and I look to you for solace I will remember the terrible things you did to me - the bloating, the cramps, the constipation - and I will chose not to go back to that).
Love me
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