Letting the light shine

I am starting to see signs of light.  Even in my darkest moments I am not as low as I was previously.  I still have a long way to go but I am thankful for my recent hospital admission.  It has allowed me to see my reality with new perspective.  I know that I have a great support network and I am very thankful for that.  

However, I have come to accept that I can rely on no one but me.  I am the only one with me 24/7.  I am surrounded by myself.  I need to be my own saving grace.  I let my resilience and strength waive.  I was covered in strangling vines that weighed me down for years.  I will never again be held back.  Not by other people nor  myself.  Like a gardening fighting the unrelenting power of ivy, I will hack away at those vines (possibly for the rest of my life) but I will keep at it and I will win.  I can be one determined son of a bitch when I set my mind to something.  Besides, "a dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up".

I will let my inner light shine through.  I will cast myself in the light of my halo (not of the angelic variety, no.  I choose to take a leaf out of Mae West's book and stick to the theory that "when I am good I am very, very good but when I am bad I am better").

Fuck the world!  I don't care what people think as I dance down the street with music blaring and hot chocolate in hand at 7am.  Again, Mae comes to mind "It is better to be looked over than overlooked".

And in the words of Elanor Roosevelt "Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you will be criticised anyway".