Kingdom of isolation

I took my daughter to see Frozen recently.  It's the typical bullshit Disney creation fairy tale crap that leads young girls to believe that true love will find them and set them free.

But, as is often the case when under stimulated, I got to thinking.  I think I have possibly swung too far in the other direction. I am so sceptical about men and love that I discount it for everyone but that is not the case.

I watched my two cousins with their respective partners at Christmas and my heart glowed for them. I know it is but a snippet of their lives, I realise that there is always more to a relationship than people present externally but it gave me fresh perspective. Unprovoked these men approached their women to hug or kiss them. I had forgotten that was a thing. They both helped clear plates and their faces were fillies with joy as the girls opened their gifts.

I have been stuck in a certain mindset for so long I had forgotten that there are people in the world that actually care about other people (family doesn't count in this scenario). I was in a kingdom of isolation in my marriage and I let that carry forward afterwards.

I have been like Elsa from Frozen for so long - “Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them know" - that I had actually forgotten that there are good people out there. This reminded me of something my psychologist had repeatedly said, until I am ready to bring down my walls and show people who I really am I will continue to attract the wrong type of person.

To be brutally honest I have been so scared to demolish my protective barrier because I did not like what lay behind it. But my epiphany on Christmas morning has me confident enough to do so. Sure, I will likely get hurt but I hurt easily anyway.

Like Granpa Troll says - "The heart cannot be easily changed but the head can."
It is time to pull down the shield (no doubt it will go back up many times intermittently until it can stay down permanently). Mans is out at all times, no longer just for interspersed snippets.