I watched "Pitch Perfect" with the kids and their cousins over the weekend. I liked Fat Amy's (I should make mention that I think Rebel Wilson is awesome) concept of having a fat heart. I have come to the realisation that I am blessed with a cursed fat heart. I say blessed because I believe there's not a lot of joy in life if you cannot feel it and with a fat heart I feel everything. Cursed because my heart is marred. Damaged. Stained. You name the fault; I have it in spades.
Because of my fat heart I am generous, thoughtful, selfless, forgiving and gentle. But I am also gullible, trusting and weak.
And with my heart being clinically obese I feel more than most can imagine. I feel pain, empathy and sorrow for people I have never met. Craziness, I know. But it is true. I worry about the wellbeing of the merest acquaintance when something goes wrong in their life. I want only good things for others; I am naturally a people-pleaser, a self-sacrificer. So much so that I put others' needs above my own. Ipso facto, you can imagine what I feel for those I love. It can be all-consuming at times. I look at my children and my heart just aches for them; knowing that they have so much facing them and that there's not enough I can do to prepare them for it.
While I honestly care for everyone, it actually takes a long time for me to let someone into my heart. My love is given to precious few. All are worthy individuals. And when I love it is unconditional. While a parent's love for their child is naturally unconditional (I know there is nothing my children could ever do or say that could stop me loving them), I also love other family members unconditionally. They make choices I don't agree with but that does not alter my affection for them. I also love other people unconditionally. Not many but my unconditional love is not limited to romantic partners either. There are friends, male and female, that I would include on that list. But their number is small; I am very selective. Because so few people experience unconditional love it is occasionally misconstrued as obsessive. What people don't seem to realise is that I am not trying to trick them. I honestly want what is best for other people. All of them. All the time, regardless of my relationship with them.
For those people I love, I will give the world. I will labour at what seems the smallest thing because it is the small things in life that matter. I will put in the effort to do whatever it is that makes my loved ones happy. Regardless of what it is; even things I don't approve of or agree with. That is what unconditional love means - it means loving all of someone without trying to change them*. It means accepting them the way that they are. And loving them for that; not despite it. And once you have occupied real estate in my fat heart I will always be there for you if you call on me. No matter what.
* I should not here that I do try to understand the people I love and this, too, can be misunderstood as an attempt to evoke change.
While I honestly care for everyone, it actually takes a long time for me to let someone into my heart. My love is given to precious few. All are worthy individuals. And when I love it is unconditional. While a parent's love for their child is naturally unconditional (I know there is nothing my children could ever do or say that could stop me loving them), I also love other family members unconditionally. They make choices I don't agree with but that does not alter my affection for them. I also love other people unconditionally. Not many but my unconditional love is not limited to romantic partners either. There are friends, male and female, that I would include on that list. But their number is small; I am very selective. Because so few people experience unconditional love it is occasionally misconstrued as obsessive. What people don't seem to realise is that I am not trying to trick them. I honestly want what is best for other people. All of them. All the time, regardless of my relationship with them.
For those people I love, I will give the world. I will labour at what seems the smallest thing because it is the small things in life that matter. I will put in the effort to do whatever it is that makes my loved ones happy. Regardless of what it is; even things I don't approve of or agree with. That is what unconditional love means - it means loving all of someone without trying to change them*. It means accepting them the way that they are. And loving them for that; not despite it. And once you have occupied real estate in my fat heart I will always be there for you if you call on me. No matter what.
* I should not here that I do try to understand the people I love and this, too, can be misunderstood as an attempt to evoke change.
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