I am insecure. It is only one of my weaknesses but my greatest failing. My insecurities have killed many things and ruined the best parts of my life. Originating from my deep seated fear I worry that I am not good enough. That, no matter what I do, I will never be worthy.
It is that very fear that clouds my days and keeps me awake at night.
For many months now I have chosen to surround myself with people that build me up. I have been trying to focus on the positive and trying to let the negative wash over me like a wave; watching it recede back to whence it came. I do, watch, listen to, eat and drink the things I love. If people don't like me then I need at accept that and move on. I am never going to impress everyone and I may never impress anyone but I shall go to bed at night proud of the choices I have made.
This means showering people with love, dancing at every opportunity, telling the truth and remaining loyal. I nourish my body and my mind. I do more than is necessary. I breathe deeply, love wholly and stretch. I soak up the sunshine. I try to find a reason to smile. I face the continual challenges that are thrown at me and try to catch them before the splatter all over me.
I don't always win. There are days, like today, where I cop a serious walloping and comments that would ordinarily not penetrate knock me for six. I am battered with insults, my walls are shattered and I am floored. Everyone has a line. Mine is receding and fewer people cross it these days. Tomorrow is another day. I will pick myself up, dust myself off and rebuild and reinforce my walls ready to face the onslaught again.
I am never going to be perfect but I am slowly building strength and putting boundaries in place.
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