I have never been the worlds chattiest person but I can easily shoot the shit except when I am nervous. As soon as I am with someone I like or I'm trying to impress I fall to pieces. I have been working really hard lately to overcome this but it is proving challenging.
I have spent so long holding back. I withhold physical affection (I am generally a pretty touchy person) and I bite my tongue to help protect myself from embarrassment or reprimand for having said the wrong thing. I am trying to remove those filters. Relax. Just be myself.
I will never be the kind of person that talks for the sake of filling the space with sound. It's just not how I roll. I firmly believe that if I cannot improve the silence then I should keep mouth shut. However, there are plenty of times when I have something to say but I hold back out of fear. I am so scared of saying the wrong thing and making a fool of myself that I choose to say nothing at all. Naturally, I then worry that I am coming across as boring or stupid.
I am so full of insecurities that I am guard at all times. I have been working on trying to let go of that. It is a work in progress.
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