Monkey mind

I have what yogi call a monkey mind; it jumps all over the place. Furthermore, it is overwhelmingly self-critical; sometimes without reason. In fact, berating myself is one of my most refined skills. I generally dislike everything about me and I scold myself terribly as a result of any shortfall.

If anything goes badly I wonder if it is my fault. I am incapable of seeing positive in myself even though I can rationalise my strengths if I put my mind to it.

I frequently wonder why I am the way that I am. Does genetics play a part? Is upbringing involved? What is there I can do to change the way that I am?

So I turn to the only resource I have - Google. I have tried many things to "remedy" myself from mindfulness to yoga, breathing techniques, relaxation, guided and solo meditation; I have tried it all.

Acceptance is next. But I fear that is the way of the weak. Rather than work through the messy pile of shit, I just move on. Sweep another pile of debris under the carpet and hope I don't trip up on the way out. Sounds risky and short-sighted to me!