Each night I go to bed wondering what I did wrong. How I managed to fuck up yet again. How my walls were not strong enough to withstand the barrage and how I can keep fighting when I am not moving forward.
But each morning I wake thinking with the hope that I will do better. I try different things; new ways of reinforcing my walls, of creating barriers between someone I will never be able to have out of my life. A toxic influence who tears me to pieces with every interaction.
He affects me like no one else can. With years of practice, he can rip me down in a matter of seconds. He knows my weak points and uses them against me.
So I breathe deeply and try yet again to find a way to change the way I respond. A way to recondition myself. A full engine overall if possible.
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