Leaving toxicity behind

This week I have tried a new tack. I have donned a smile when I felt like crying; I have dressed up for me, wearing clothes that make me feel good; I have focused on my health by eating well and spending more time in bed and I have only contacted the people that give back to me, withdrawing from those who consistently let me down. I am finding strength as I step away from toxic relationships. I am rejuvenated in knowing that I no longer feel the need to lie to protect people. There is freedom in the truth. It sits well with me.

The more distance I put between myself and those people in my life who promise the world but deliver doughnuts the better I feel. I feel free. I am no longer stressing about motivations or worrying whether my doubts and fears are justified. I'm safe in knowing that I am relying on myself. 

I am no longer spending my evenings wondering. I am letting go; slowly but surely. I am trying to accept things for what they are and not put too much pressure on myself. I am trying to see that what I was clutching to was unhealthy and unattainable. I was never going to be good enough for him and he would never have settled for me. I am glad he is happy. He deserves to be. He was only ever on loan anyway and it was a debt I could never pay

While it hurts, sometimes in life it is necessary to accept that you are not good enough. I realise now that the weighting of my worth sits with him and no one else. I have no idea what she is like. Perhaps she is the most amazing, brilliant, perfect person on the planet. Regardless, it does not matter. He has made his choice and there's nothing I can do to change that. Despite the aching in my heart. 

Instead of mourning and sulking or having a hissy fit I choose to hold my head up high. Someone else being worth more than me does not make me worthless. It doesn't change me at all, in fact. I am still me and rather than have this destroy me I choose to be thankful for what it was. For me, it will always be something special. I will look back and smile. I will remember fondly our time together and I will use it to grow. I will move forward. I will forge ahead. 

I will rise to the next challenge. I will focus on me because I have no one else to distract from that. I will have fun, do the things I love.