Every morning I wake assessing myself against these fucked up ideals about how I should be. It is like I am in quick boot mode - self-testing my hardware.
I am a perfectionist and I am hard on myself when I fuck up. I try to learn from my mistakes and reprogram my brain. Lately I seem to be making headway on my shit. For the first time in eighteen months I am able to overrule myself. I am getting better at turning off my emotions. I am in shut down mode and it is making life much easier. I honestly don't give a fuck what people think of me. I couldn't care if they hated me. A couple of months ago I would have been mortified if someone looked at me with disapproval. Right now I could have the world turn their back on me and I would be able to keep going.
I have turned the corner and I am not looking back.
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