Mortality

My Dad is back in hospital. He has had a few heart attacks brought on by a bout of pneumonia. I am continually amazed at his strength. He is incredible - his lungs are shot, his heart is scarred and yet he soldiers on. He is a true survivor.

His return to hospital has reminded me of how life can turn on a dime. As I lay in bed last night thinking (as I always do) I realised that, apart from not having my kids all the time, I am okay with my life. Sure, there's room for improvement; but as I become more comfortable in my own skin and at peace with who I am I realise that I am worth so much more than I have been given in the past.

I will never again settle. Life is too short to be treated poorly by someone else. I'd rather be alone than be made to feel substandard. I am not someone's maid nor am I their bit of stuff. I may not be perfect but I deserve respect. I want to be treated like an equal. I don't want to be cherished not do I want to be a doormat. I think a good match is one where both are on an even par; neither person on a pedestal and neither in the gutter. I don't know whether that's possible but I am going to look for it anyway. And I will not settle. I am stronger now than I have been for decades. I am in a position where I am okay on my own. I don't like it but I am not crying myself to sleep over it either. I realise I may die alone and unloved but I have my children and my family. For a while I am going to concentrate my effort into those that love me back.