Bonus day

February 29. The extra day once every four years where we "catch up" - both on the Gregorian calendar and metaphorically.


It is also Bachelor's Day. The day that women are "allowed" to propose to their man. For those that are sick of waiting, today is the day that it is okay to pop the question (and there will be no questions asked).

Motivation - week 8

Morning routine

Setting yourself up for a great day begins with a great routine. But, a routine can become monotonous. The repetition becomes meaningless. What can you do to change your morning routine to ensure you have the best day possible? Is there something that you can add to your morning to set yourself up for a good day? Is there anything you want to drop from your morning routine to make the day less stressful (going to work is not an option, unfortunately)? 

Do you want to add a quick meditation? Or perhaps a short yoga sequence? Is morning the time to read? Does your beauty regime need a kick start in the morning? Or perhaps you want to do less in the morning?

Motivation or something else

This article made me stop and think. I like that.


Not one to follow the norm, I like reading something that makes me question the choices I make. I have a little spot on my bathroom mirror with two daubs of Blu-Tack. Each day, I take a motivational quote I have prepared (I collect things from Facebook and write them out once a month) and stick it on said mirror.


I find themes in the quotes that I have chosen. Ergo, they make me think twice. Once about the message on face value and the second about the reason the quote appealed to me at the time. I ask myself whether it is still relevant. The quote gives me something to focus on as I go through my usual daily routine (it helps while away the time while I brush my teeth).


The quotes can be about anything but there are times when they include a lightly-clad chick (it is no secret I am unhappy with my body since I became a couple). I can see the point this article is trying to make. Images of ripped abs and thigh gap can be body shaming. They don't necessarily focus on health, per se. There is almost nothing spiritual about them at all.


But, in moderation, I think they serve a purpose for me. They remind me of my goal and encourage me to work towards it. Like further education and personal growth, my ideal body is a work in progress. It is something I have to focus on, pay attention to and dedicate time to. Anything worthwhile takes a little effort - a fit, strong body is no exception.


That said, if the house was covered in images of thin women in bikinis I would most definitely want to hide my shameful body under the doona. Preferably with a Krispy Kreme and a chocolate laden milk beverage.

Regret

Regret is not a new phenomenon. First described in the fourteenth century, regret is feeling sad, disappointed, repentant or sorry about something. Generally considered a negative emotional response to past acts or behaviours as it is fuelled with embarrassment and shame, regret can influence our future behaviours. Furthermore, regret can linger for a long time.  When it does, it can have an unhealthy effect on wellbeing.

In the end, we only regret the chances we did not take

- Lewis Carroll

When Bronnie Ware first wrote about her experiences as a  palliative carer the five most common regrets of people dying took the world by storm:

1. I wish I had lived a life true to myself, not how others expected me to live
2. I wish I had not worked so hard
3. I wish I had expressed my feelings
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with friends
5. I wish I had permitted myself to be happy

It has been a couple of years since I first read these five things. They are so obvious. But it took someone to write them down for others to realise their importance.


It is so easy to get swept up in the day to day activities of life. The immediate demands of feeding ourselves, cleaning up and dragging ourselves to work every day take attention away from our dreams. We are so tired from doing what has to be done that we don't make it a priority to do the things we want to do.


While needs are important, satisfaction comes from feeding our souls. Leaving the dishes in the sink to take a walk in the summer sunshine will not only leave you feeling better but that's where memories are made.


I already have more regrets than one should when they are approaching forty. I tend to stress too much. I lose sleep from not expressing my feelings, following my true self and allowing myself to be happy. Being a people pleaser is self defeating. My actions in the last year have been futile. I am no closer to achieving what I want. If I could articulate myself better, perhaps I would be able to move forward on a number of accounts.


For me, it is now time to act. I do not want to acquire any new regrets.

Coping with stress

We all have stress in our lives. The frantic pace of today's society means that we are stretched too thin. We have too much on our to do list and little time to ponder. Like too little butter on a piece of bread there are gaps and the edges are not covered leaving us vulnerable to dry patches.

Some people have more stress in their lives than others. Family situation, illness, injury and economic factors are all causes of stress. Add to that workload and trying to find a work/life balance and it is easy to find that we are fraying at the seams. 

Short term stressors can give a burst of energy (this is your flight or fight response kicking in) to help you meet a challenge (think 'run away from a lion'). But humans are not designed to live in a steady-state of stress. There is no doubt that long-term stress is bad for your health. Mentally, physically, emotionally; stress affects every part of our bodies. Stress raises cortisol levels and

There are people that cope well with lots of simultaneous stressful situations and others that flake at the first sight of it. The key to coping with stress is to retain perspective. Perspective is everything. The way you look at things is so important.

And, aside from trying to gain a little perspective on what's stressing you there are things you can do to alleviate stress:

1. Figure out exactly what is stressing you. If you have more than one source of chronic stress, list them down.
2. Develop a plan of attack. Make a commitment to remove the source/s of stress or change your life so the effect is reduced.
3. Focus on positive relationships. Spend time with people that make you feel good about yourself and your life.
4. Rest. Not only your body but your mind. Find what feeds your soul (walking, yoga, art, dance) and do it more often.
5. When you are in a stressful situation, breathe. Practice deep breathing. Consciously fill your lungs up and empty them out. If visualization helps you, imagine letting go of all the things that cause you stress as you exhale.
6. Get help. If you've tried to remove stress from your life and you're not getting anywhere. Or if you have so many sources of stress that, even with the above techniques, you are feeling overwhelmed speak to a professional. Your GP can be a good place to start but most don't have the specialized skills required. See a reputable psychologist. Sometimes talking to someone who has no connection to your day to day life is all you need to find your way through.

There goes gravity

When your boyfriend stops looking at you. When he stops wanting to make love to you. When he is not interested in your hopes and dreams for the future. Leave. Run. Run away. Run fast and run far. And don't look back n

Over thinking

What if the people that tell you to stop overthinking things are wrong? What if they are the ones with the problem? What if overthinking is not an issue at all? What if "overthinking" is just thinking? What if what other people consider "overthinking" is actually how the human mind is meant to work and those that don't "overthink" are actually the ones that are underusing their brains?

What if the over thinkers are right? And that everything going on in their mins is actually true? What then?

What happens when the under thinkers are the ones that are the problem? Did it make them under achievers? Does it mean that they are lacking in forethought? Does it point to the fact that they are concentrating on the mundane? Does it highlight that they are small minded? Does it demonstrate that they had little to no foresight?

Why is overthinking an issue but under thinking desired? Is that no just the easy route? Is the lack of thought the reason most people follow the grain? Is the lack of thought why people don't achieve their dreams?

Is lack of thought the reason relationships fail?

Consider this; if people thought things through they would leap at opportunity; take chances and follow their heart.

It is the under thinkers that don't achieve. It is the people that let the mundane take over that miss opportunities. It is the under thinkers that do not achieve

Over thinking is not the issue here. Not even one little bit.  

Realisation

I have been putting on weight for months. Over a year, actually, I have blamed it on all sorts - falling in love, excessive bleeding, working long hours. But the truth is that I have lost sight of what I want. Yet again I have fallen into a "people pleaser"  that is my modus operandi. Not cool me!  Not cool.

Whenever I fall over I pick myself up. This is no exception.

No more excuses. When nothing in your wardrobe fits it is time to face reality and stop eating so much. Simple.

What are we doing

As a society something is seriously fucked up. When our "health role models" pull themselves to the brink of collapse due to dehydration in order to look lean in a photo shoot (and this is what we aspire to) something has to change.


A decade ago our role models for beauty were anorexia and bulimia-affected waifs. We have swung to something that LOOKS healthier but is just as unattainable if you have a healthy approach to life.


I am all for clean eating and exercise. But depleting your body of vital fluids to look ripped? No, thanks! This shit has to stop.


Think about our little girls (and our growing boys) who see images of ripped and toned bodies thinking that these people in glossy magazines, on billboards and gracing the sides of protein shakes (don't get me started on that topic - there's a can of worms I will open another day) and believe that these people personify health. Think of the teens that pump iron, weigh protein and calculate their macros. Picture mums post birth who are trying to rid themselves of the pooch they have developed as a result of pregnancy. Then stop. Stop the madness. Stop the lies and the deceit. Stop the pressure.


When everything we aim to be is a farce we need to reconsider our morals. Is our appearance so much more important than the health of our internal organs? If so then this is a society I am not interested in being a part of. This is not something I will prescribe to. This is not health. This is another form of torture. This is another way to incite body hate so people buy products they don't need.


Channel your inner Michael Pollan - "Eat food. Mostly plants. Not too much"


It is as simple as that. If you can afford organic (or have the time to grow your own - fresh is best!!) by all means do that. But, please, do not starve your body of nutrients. And I beg you, do not deprive your body of water.


Come on. You are smarter than that!

Athleisure

I can't believe there is a name for it. But apparently there is and apparently it is athleisure. In my opinion, there are two things that always tell the truth - children and leggings (I can't take credit for that quote but I can't find a source either). Leggings are not outerwear. Leggings have a place in the gym or yoga studio. They are not attire in which to have coffee with friends. Neither are leggings an item of clothing that should be worn with a long top in lieu of pants.


Leggings are cute on a toddler. Leggings are not becoming for a woman. Come on people! Have some class. Keep your active wear for when you are actually being active. I am a reasonable person, I will stretch it to a quick pop in to the grocery store but if you are buying more than a basket have the decency to go home, shower and put on real clothes.

Pillar to post

So much to do, so little time to do it in. That seems to be the catch cry of my life at the moment. I am in overload mode. 

Work is a nightmare. My boss has been seconded to another role for a year so, for the last six months, I have been doing the lion's share of her job. Then, about a month ago, one of the team had a mental breakdown and is now on extended leave. I have picked up the bulk of her role too. Plus, my own position has morphed into something larger than it used to be. I have greater responsibility that I used (which I love) but it is putting a lot of strain on my day at work.

I hike through the corridors. I am pulled from pillar to post and I feel like I am always busting to go to the ladies because I don't have the time to pee.

Don't get me wrong, I like to be busy. I NEED to be busy. I get bored easily so I need to have a large workload. But hectic is not pretty on anyone. It means I am stressed. My sleep is being affected and nothing is getting the attention it deserves. I feel like a browser with too many tabs open. And, even if I am Chrome I am not able to process everything simultaneously.

It is only a matter of time before things come crashing down. And the fallout ain't going to be pretty.

Busy does not begin to describe my work day. I am always the first in the office. Not in my team. In the entire organisation. Last week I was last in the office three days out of the week.

Twelve hour days are a minimum at the moment. I have no time to do anything. I am dedicating so much time to work that I feel like don't have any time to myself. Down time is almost non-existent. I am maintaining gym time but, to me, that is a necessity not an option.

Internal battles

I'm free writing today. Because I haven't done it for a while. Because I cannot quiet the fear inside me. Because I believe that when something feels wrong there's something not right. I believe that I should trust my instincts but fear has me doubting myself. I flip a thousand times a day from yes to no and it's unhealthy. It's unproductive and destructive.

On one side there's contentment most days. On the other is the niggling feeling in being played. It has me questioning my worth as a person and I don't like that.
I keep hoping it will pass but it seems to be more distressing as time goes by.
I try to focus on the positive but it is getting harder to do that.

Meaningful activities

Life is busy. Rare is the day that a busy life is filled with meaningful activities. Life is busy out of obligation - bills to pay, groceries to buy, meals to make, things to clean. You know the drill.

Making time for the things that matter - catching up with loved ones, family and friends and following your dreams - is what truly brings purpose and meaning to life. Making special meals, starting and continuing traditions and truly being present when you are with people are the things that matter to me.

I believe that learning is the only way to keep your brain sharp so I find education a meaningful pursuit. It doesn't have to be formal training, but rather anything that extends your way of thinking or exposes you to something new. Taking every opportunity to advance your cerebral cortex and get new neural pathways firing has to be good for brain health.

Roles

We all have a role to play in life. On a superficial level they are things like mother, child, sibling, friend, partner, mentor, employee. But on a more intrinsic level they are things like supporter, encourager, teacher, peace-maker.
Due to the complex nature of humans, we potentially play a different role (or even multiple roles) with different people. The roles we play are dictated not only by the nature of the relationship but also our experiences and overt or underlying motives.
Life is a game. Some people play openly - politicians and cheaters - while others play because they have to. We are somewhat obligated to fulfill certain roles in life in order to keep moving forward. For example, in my family I am the peace-keeper. I am a people-pleaser by nature so I tend to placate. I diffuse volatile situations and encourage calmer seas. I float between my mother, sister and father and try to bring a voice of reason. As a result, I have, in the past, tended to fill the role of punching bag. Because I am kind, I am seen to be weak. My compassion has been repeatedly mistaken as a shortfall (in fact, my father still tries to get me to "toughen up"). While I choose to look at it from another perspective (that my softness is a positive attribute), I nevertheless am the go-to person when life goes to hell in a hand basket in our family.
As with most things, awareness is important when it comes to the role you play in relationships. This is especially so if the role you play no longer suits you.
Experiences can lead to changes in the way we view ourselves. This inevitably results in a change in the way we relate to other people. The people closest to us are usually the ones to notice the change first. I have had more than my share of life-changing experience. I have reinvented myself many times over. Sometimes the metamorphosis has been a self-protection mechanism. At others, it has been a conscious choice. Each time, a momentous change has occurred in the way I look at myself and, therefore, the way I deal with others. There have been times when the change has been too much for people in my life (my best friend of 22 years ended our friendship when I left my abusive marriage because her belief was that marriage was for life (something I wanted but could not maintain)) while others have embraced the change I made and our relationship has deepened as a result.
The take home message here, for me, is that you have the capacity to choose how you relate with other people. If you are unhappy with how things are, take the (sometimes painful) step to move towards a life that you are happy with. As humans, the fundamental building blocks of our soul come from the relationships we have with people in our life. We are social creatures by nature and it is through our interactions with others that we experience the true richness life has to offer.
To make your relationships not only work but bring you deep satisfaction it is imperative that you assess the role you play. Don't be afraid to rejig them if the relationship is not working for you. I am a firm believer that long term relationships are important. It is deeply satisfying to spend time with people who know you at your core; people you can reminisce with; people who have stood by you when times are tough and celebrated with you when you are on a winning streak. Hold onto those relationships whenever possible but don't let them define the person that you are.
You are the only person who is around you 24/7. Make sure you are happy with the person you spend the most time with - yourself.

Expectation hangover

Perhaps the problem is simply expectation hangover. An interesting concept, perhaps I have set myself unrealistic expectations. And, as I have harped on over and over (here and in real life) expectations lead to disappointment).

I've also reiterated that competition is the thief of joy. Ergo, comparing myself to others is an unhealthy exercise.

Self-compassion is the way forward.

Perspective

Like most things in life, body image is about perspective. To someone weighing in over 150kg, a sub-60kg woman looks amazing. To a supermodel, the same woman a chubster.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change - Wayne Dyer

See yourself big

I'm reading Playing Big by Tara Mohr.  The book details the notion that you can't be what you can't see; insinuating that you cannot grow into your authentic self without being able to visualise what that person looks like.

By design, the book is very women focused. All the language is directed at a female audience but the principle applies across genders (naturally! We are, at our core, all humans. Regardless of gender, race, sexual preference, political views or toilet tissue preference; we are fundamentally built with the same blocks).

The basis of seeing yourself big is to become your own mentor. The idea of having a mentor is ageless. In its loosest sense, a mentor is a guide. In Greek mythology, Mentor was a wise and faithful adviser. Tribal cultures are constructed such that older members of the community pass their wisdom onto the next generation as they come of age. As a result, lessons learnt are passed down.

The idea of being your own mentor is a slightly different take on the traditional situation. Google brings the world to our fingertips. Even when out and about, we are able to locate any piece of information we need. We no longer need to employ traditional research techniques in order to obtain information. The correct words in a search engine will see an almost instant result. Therefore, we do not need to rely on the collective wisdom of the previous generation. We are, if willing, able to educate ourselves on any subject. We have the capacity (notwithstanding the motivation) to be our own guide; to provide inspiration for our own journey.  This notion empowers us to move to bigger and better things, if so desired.

So my aim is to see myself big. When I think of myself as I would like to be I see a compassionate and caring mother. I see a loving partner to a spunky man. I see a stylish, sophisticated, elegant woman. I see a confident, competent and comfortable lady. I see a lady who is successful in a project management position in a large corporate. Managing a team of people to deliver  multiple concurrent projects. I see a well educated, fit, healthy woman. I see someone who takes pride in her appearance but is not showy about it. I see a woman who is respectful, honest, thoughtful, generous and loyal.

When I look to the future I see a woman who is constantly evolving. I see that she is never static; always challenging herself to be more. Not different. Never different. But more. More authentic in every action of her life. I see someone who makes conscious decisions about the path she takes. A woman who is constantly reassessing and carving a way forward. Someone who takes risks. I see a woman who follows her heart. She loves wholeheartedly; laughs out loud and can take things in her stride.

Bulletproof

Life is a growth exercise. We each have been exposed to different situations that shape us into who we are. We are the sum of our collective experiences. As such, no two people are the same. And, because of the nature of influence situations have on people (that being that different people react differently to the same situation) we can never really know what another person has experienced.

I have found that people tend to be quite protective of their pasts. My honesty and openness means that I tend to overshare information and end up feeling vulnerable as a result. Generally speaking, I think people know too much about me. It is something I am working on - trying to give less detailed answers when people ask me questions. I am slowly learning to keep my guard up; hold my cards close to my chest (bulletproof comes into my head).

Recovering abused

This is confronting in its simplicity.

Nostalgia

Our lives are changed by events and by the interactions we have with others. We can spend endless hours with someone without incident but a single conversation with someone can totally turn your world upside down. 

Our formative years are responsible for defining who we are at our core. The influence our parents and significant others (aunts, uncles, siblings and grandparents) have on us in the first six years of life forms the basis on which our morals, values and ideals rest. Changing those core structures instilled in us is a challenging task to say the least.

There are people that float into and out of our lives with little effect. There are others that leave lasting impressions.

First love is one. You never forget the person you first fell in love with. I was blessed. My first love was energetic, honest and innocent. My parents tried to convince me that, at seventeen, I was too young to be in love but they were wrong. The first man I loved was really just a boy but my love for him was real. As I get older, I realise how lucky I was to have such a great experience with my first love. While he left me because I would not give up my virginity, he did so without being an arse about it. Don't get me wrong, he still broke my heart but I can honestly say that that boy, at seventeen, had more integrity than most men in their forties do. He is the man that I have turned back to in my deepest darkest moments as proof that I am lovable. While I have not been in contact with him for a very long time, the way he loved me all those decades ago is one of the things that pulled me through the darkness post divorce. While my ex was telling me that I was fundamentally flawed, I returned to the time when my first love took me to a cave at a beach where, the summer before, he hard painstakingly carved my name in stone. The thought that it is still there twenty years later as a testament to the way he felt about me gave me strength. He's probably never thought of it since but it is one of the small things he did that has stuck with me throughout my life. It is etched in my mind as a turning point. He melted my heart that day and forever burned his mark on my expectations for how I want to be treated by my partner. That small romantic gesture of a teen was pivotal in my resolve to demand better.

That man, spiderman as my uncle nicknamed him due to his teenage lankiness, wrote me love letters on a daily basis. I saw none of the tough exterior that he displayed to others in our circle of friends. With me, he was tender and thoughtful. We wrote in code, so his friends couldn't interpret our messages on the school bus in the morning. But he wasn't shy - he'd often lean out the bus window as he drove past my Catholic girls' school and yell "I love you Mans". My heart would skip a beat as I smiled back at him, too timid to profess my love in return. That didn't deter him and it made my day, every day!

We'd spend hours on the phone at night and all the time we could around our sporting obligations on weekends. He came away with me and my family and I was welcomed into his with dinners on Friday night after school and trips to his family caravan. I adored his mother who sadly died too young and played heartily with his little sister. We were not like most of our peers - immersed only in bedroom activities. Our love was deeper based on true connection and shared interests. He played basketball and Dad would take me to his games on a Thursday night. I played netball and he'd occasionally catch the bus down on a Saturday so he could spend time with me after the game when I wasn't working. We played pool with his brother for hours listening to heavy metal (which my mother hated and was convinced I was depressed).

I have not thought about spiderman for years but there was something that happened recently, I cannot recall what it was exactly, that brought him back into my mind. I have since reflected on how lucky I was to have shared a slice of my life with him and how grateful I am that he set such a stellar example of what love was . I have received a timely reminder of how I want to be treated.

Self care

You cannot pour from an empty cup.

This simple analogy holds a lot of weight. The importance of self care is heightened when we are forced to (or choose to) care for others.
Self care covers such a broad spectrum incorporating physical activity, clean eating, rest, quality sleep, fresh air. But it also includes less tangible things like meditation, self respect, trusting your instincts, living according to your values, learning new things, reaching out for help when you need it, minimising negative thoughts, actively taking part in hobbies, maintaining friendships and being grateful for what you have.

Self care means following your dreams - having the strength to say no when you need to and not being afraid to say yes to new adventures. Self care means putting yourself first without being selfish. Self care is ensuring your cup is always full enough that you have some left over to share with the ones you love.

Now this takes guts

Naked yoga. Need I say more?

Embrace single life

Science has yet again proven that being single is good for your health. So, for those of you who are unattached, remember that it is not all doom and gloom. There are benefits to being single - freedom (emotional and physical) to make the choices that are entirely right for you. Whether this is to stay back at work for an extra hour to get something off your plate or catching up with a friend on a whim. To travelling where you want when you want.

Being single means your routine is never compromised unless you choose for it to be. Being single means you get to keep your side of the bed AND your side of the couch (not to mention electing what you watch when you do get precious couch time).

While there is no one to confer with over major life decisions, at least you are fully in charge of your future. Your decisions are yours alone. You are less likely to be influenced by other people to make a choice other than your own.

So, if you don't happen to be in a loving relationship (or if you are in a relationship that is not working for you), don't fear the single life. Embrace it

Brain hack - breaking bad habits

Turning bad habits into good ones is not as easy as it seems.

As much as some of us like to think that we are carefree rebels. Newsflash - our lives are ruled by habit. Routine (or a sequence of mini-routines strung together throughout the day) is paramount. If you want to change some bad habits it will take time. Slowly, slowly catch the monkey.

Don't be disheartened. There are little things you can do that, over time, mean great changes can be made to your routine to your advantage.

Taking the time to assess your current routine and determining what needs to change is the first step. Identify your goal (or goals) and move from there. Recognise that you will not change overnight. People rarely do. To affect change you need to be consistent. Take one day at a time and, if you fail, try again the next day. Focus on your goal to get you through.

Make one change at a time. Don't try to go with the big bang theory. You are setting yourself up for failure. Take it slowly. You will get there. With determination and perseverance you can do anything.

When you slip, refocus. Take a breath and start again.

It's not how many times you get knocked down that count, it's how many times you get back up. 

George A. Custer

And remember that even the most ambitious people in the world struggle with change. You can do it!

Motivation week 7

Growth only occurs when you leave your comfort zone. Only when you extend yourself beyond where you feel comfortable are you able to achieve growth. Growth can be anything from learning a new skill (remember those piano lessons you decided not to use?), experiencing something new, travelling or exploring yourself on the inside. 

Introspection is grossly underrated as a growth medium. Our society is teeming with people who follow trends and appear incapable of thinking for themselves. Self assessment, a form of double loop learning, enables you to change as a result of your past experiences (as well as alter the way you deal with those events when they recur). Self assessment is particularly important in how you respond to more challenging experiences life throws at you.

What is your comfort zone? Do you stay there most of the time?

What do you need to do to expand that zone?

What (positive) experiences do you need to expose yourself to in order to grow?

What is going to stop you from stagnating in life?

How do you make sure that you are on a growth path? 

What can you do today to enable you move your life in the direction you want it to go?

How can you shake up your routine to keep yourself motivated?

How can you incorporate more of the things you love doing in your daily life?

Motivation week 6

Passion, like fear, is a strong motivational force.

What are you passionate about? How can you incorporate your passions into your daily life? How do the things you are passionate about add value to your life? How can you ensure that you continue to grow personally while pursing your passions?

Is there any way you can turn your passions into a career? Is that something you would want to do? Or are your passions for down time only?

Motivation week 5

We all have fears. Fears can vary from small to all consuming where panic takes over and renders us incapable of response. 

Fear is a natural response to a potentially threatening situation. In modern society, our fears are less 'real'. Our fears are generally not "how do I keep myself from death at the hands of a tiger today?" but rather, they are less tangible. 

Regardless, fear is one of the most powerful controlling emotions. Fear keeps us stagnant.  Fear prevents us from leaving a relationship that is going nowhere. Fear stops us from taking the leap of faith in a new job. Fear halts us from speaking up when we should. Fear keeps is in situations that are unhealthy, even when we know we should leave.

More importantly, fear changes the way our brain functions and alters our blood chemistry. As such, fear can literally control our bodies.

While facing our fears is daunting, it is considered by the Buddhists as one of the paths to peace and fulfilment. In fact, fear is a great motivator for some people. Knowing your fears is the first step to facing them.

What are your fears? How do they affect you from achieving your goals? How do they prevent you from growing? What are the risks of facing your fears? How can you use your fears to initiate positive change in your life?

Motivation week 4

Free writing and journaling


Writing is cathartic. It frees the ideas running around in our heads. It gives our thoughts a dedicated space in which to develop. It releases stress and tension. Like talking to a good friend, writing lets us express ourselves.

Writing in a journal is one way of keeping track of your thoughts. It can be a means to finding patterns in your thinking. It can allow you to see what's going on inside with greater clarity. Journaling forces you to delve into the depths of your mind; especially important when something is troubling you.

Taking time to write things down is a coping mechanism for some people. Expression of self is cleansing. It is one way to rid oneself of negative emotions. Whether it is read or not, the act of writing facilitates the process of letting go. It is a path to acceptance.

Journaling is also an opportunity for growth. Writing your goals down is a way of making them tangible without telling the world. You can effectively keep them to yourself but with a greater degree of accountability.

Being able to reference things later can also be helpful. Your words can be used as a measure of your growth over time. Because our brains are hard-wired, change can be slow. Journaling is a way to reflect on how you have changed.

Above all, journaling can be your safe space. Time dedicated to yourself. An opportunity to reflect, learn and download. In the hectic world we live in, little luxuries are important. Putting pen to paper, like reading from an actual book, is paramount to forming a connection with yourself.

What is occupying your mind at the moment? What are your deepest thoughts? What can you do to incorporate journaling into your routine.

Motivation week 3

This week, write a letter to your future self

Some ideas to include in this letter are:

• Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
• What are your goals for 2016?
• What are you planning on working on (in terms of self development) this year?
• What are you hoping to achieve in your career this year?
• How do you see yourself changing personally throughout 2016?
• What do you hope to achieve this year?
• How do you want to feel when you open this letter?

Now seal it and put it in your top drawer at home. I will remind you to read this in December

Motivation week 2

A life handbook contains the essentials on how you can live your life to the fullest. It details your purpose, values and goals.

Journaling your goals helps you identify the steps you can take to achieve those goals.

It is easy to get swept away in day to day life and forget to live according to your values. Surround yourself with motivated individuals and your life will start to become more fulfilling because you will start to act with greater purpose.

This is not meant to be a to-do list. A life handbook is an opportunity to refocus. It gives you the mental space to move forward in whatever you have determined is important to you. Once you have identified those things that are important to you and outlined the goals you have for your life you can begin to realise them.

You will be more easily to live according to your values every day if you document them. Writing them down gives clarity to your goals and reminds you to focus on them.

Your life handbook can be in hard or soft copy. Choose a format the suits you.

Your handbook is yours alone. It is not designed for anyone else to read. It is designed to reaffirm you purpose.

Mine includes a sort of mission statement with the purpose I wish to have for my life clearly documented, my values, my strengths, the areas I need to work on improving and my long term goals. When I come across an inspirational quote that resonates with my goals, I add it to the handbook. I find that doing this reinforces my way of thinking. It deepens my resolve to work toward my goal and provides me with the motivation to just keep swimming. In a world where we are easily distracted by work, family commitments and daily routine, I find that having these fundamentals documented ensures that I don't stray too far from my core values. I use it on bad days to remind me of my strengths. On days where I have time or energy, I use it as a way to focus on the areas I have identified as needing improvement and try to make a conscious effort to rectify or work on those to better myself.

Your life handbook can be anything you want it to be. It is yours, after all!

Motivation week 1

The new year brings with it new hope. A fresh start. A chance to shake things up. An opportunity to change things that are not working and create new habits that lead to you health an happiness. With each passing year we grow. Our experiences lead us to expand our minds.

This year I have sent my boyfriend an email every Monday as a way to encourage him to challenge himself. To shake things up. I have done this not because I want to change him (I love him exactly how he is) but because I want to support him. I want him to grow. I want him to be happy.

I've decided to share my motivational emails (edited, of course) in the hope that I can help others too.

Today I encourage you to look at your daily habits and weekly trends to identify those that bring you the greatest joy. What are the things that feed your soul? What are the things that leave you feeling refreshed? What are the things that bring you energy to tackle the challenges that life throws at you? What activities bring you resilience? What do you do on a regular basis to foster peace?

Make a list (mental or physical) of the things that give you the biggest bang for buck in terms of reward. Do them more often!

What are the things that drain you? That leave you feeling exhausted? What are the things in life that lower your mood? Are there any that I can take on? If so, let me know. I want you to be happy. Anything that takes away from that happiness should be removed or, at the least, minimised. 

Loving yourself

Not in a dirty way. But truly loving who you are, is a liberating thing. Truly liking the person you are evaporates so many fears.

Worrying about what you look like no longer grips you with panic before you walk out the door. Sure, you might give yourself the once-over in the mirror before you step out but you will no longer fret about every facet of your outfit.

You will take care of your body rather than punish it. Gym becomes a sanctuary rather than a life sentence. You eat well not to deprive yourself of treats but to fuel your body with nourishing food.

You will make better decisions. No longer at the whim of everyone else, when you love yourself you will make decisions with clarity and better judgment.

When you love yourself you will be better able to care for others. Your cup will be empty and you will be able to pour the excess into those around you.

When you love yourself you don't flaunt your body. You cherish it.

Loving yourself means that you know what your body needs. You will rest when you need to.

When you like the person you are, you are not looking to others for approval. You do not need the permission of other people to follow your heart; it becomes second nature.

When you love yourself you are not looking for the next win to boost your mood. You will have a deep sense of contentment that you carry around with you wherever you go.

When you love yourself you realize that, if others don't love you as much as you love yourself you do not need them in your life. You will not stand for people who mistreat you. You will not let people take advantage of you. Rather, you will defend yourself. You become your own protector. When you love yourself you will make sure that you are looked after and treated with respect. For you will not tolerate those who do not take you seriously.

When you love yourself, you become peaceful not opinionated for you have a solid basis. Your foundation is strong enough to know that there is no need to try to convert others to your way of thinking. While you might educate them on matters you think important if requested, you know when to keep your mouth shut because when you love yourself you understand how wonderful it feels. When you love yourself you don't want to impose pain on anyone else. When you love yourself you truly want those around you to be happy and will do whatever you can to aid them in their pursuit (but you won't risk your happiness to achieve that).

No fucks today

Read this. It is gold!

Fashionista

I love fashion. Not high fashion but true class. If I were a millionaire I would have the best wardrobe and the greatest collection of heels.

Do not conform

Sheeple: when people act like sheep and follow on without thinking for themselves. A foolish behaviour, following on from others adds little to no value to our society.

Creative thinkers are what the world needs. In the age where everyone is connected online and no one values soul; revolution is required.

This article struck a chord with me. I keep hearing about living in the moment but, while I agree it is important to be present (putting down your phone at dinner is key, for example), I have always thought that you should have a plan.


I also believe that our future cannot be unaffected by our past. Our experiences are what has shaped us into the person that we are. Recognising and respecting our past is important. An awareness and understanding of how our past, and critical evaluation of the effect that has on our present and our future, allows us to grow.


So, while there are times when I am fully engaged in a conversation, there are also times when I allow my mind to wander. For it is only on reflection that we learn from our past to ensure that our present and our future are better places to be.


In order to move forward, we need to ensure that we learn from our past so that there are less painful moments and more pleasure. There is a reason (or multiple reasons) we leave relationships. There is a reason we move. There is a reason we change careers or learn new things. Analyse these reasons. Patterns may emerge. If they do, look at where they lead you. Are you happy with that path?


Critical awareness of our lives is all too lacking. It is so easy to get drawn into the mundane routine of life without taking the time to assess whether we are happy. If we are not happy, we need to make changes. If we are, we need to maintain that as best we can. Either scenario is tricky. It is trying to find a constant in an ever changing environment. And that homeostasis can be elusive.

Fuck YES! Or no

I read this article some weeks ago and it has been haunting me ever since. The last year of my life has left me wondering whether I am good enough.

My confidence has been eroded. My feelings have been played down. I have felt rejected, lost and in no way desirable.

Reading this article has affirmed to me that I am worthy of a fuck yes. I deserve a man that looks at me and says, "fuck yes I want to be with that girl". And acts on that. Nothing less.

Hot AND funny

No wonder I love Ryan Reynolds. He's just like me ;-)

Catching stress

This is an incredible concept. Ponder

Feed the good wolf

The Cherokee fable about the two wolves has been twisted to fit the gratitude trend.  While I love the fable, I wonder whether it is losing strength.


In our society where corporate greed is paramount (UBank's latest "borrow less, live more" ad is a refreshing exception to this though the skeptic in me doubts it is altruistic), we tend to overfeed the evil wolf.


It takes time and effort to feed the good wolf. Compassion, generosity, kindness and empathy are not likely to help anyone climb the corporate ladder. However, these are exactly the things that we, as humans, crave. These are the things in life that feed our souls. That soothe the wolf and let the good grow within us.


By showing respect to others, we are demonstrating the standards for which we are to be treated. It's not about cashing in on favours but more about following your heart; doing what you know to be right. It is about helping someone even if they are not in a position to return the favour.


Feeding the good wolf means that you spend more time in a calm, relaxed state and less time in a frantic mess. When you feed the good wolf you are making a positive contribution to the people around you. Feeding the good wolf spreads happiness and restores faith in humanity.


Take the steps required to feed the good wolf inside you. Not only will you benefit but those around you will too.

Loss

The grief of losing a child never stops. On this day 8 years ago I miscarried. I think of that little girl every single day. But today is the day I make the annual trek to the park to sit on the swing for a bit.

What a real body looks like

I love this. I love the Mrs Potato head analogy. I love the reality of the photos. I love the depiction of use of lighting affects the outcome of the photo.


Love it. Love, love, love it!

Cynicism

I am getting tougher (and increasingly cynical) as I get older. I used to get upset in TV commercials (not watching commercial TV for over a decade assists with that one!) these days, I rarely cry. Although my heart aches for various reasons, it is a very rare day that I cry. In fact, I can only recall once instance where I have cried for something happening in my life in the last twelve months (the number is greater if you add in movies - my one true escape from reality). While this could be considered a good thing. I am starting to worry.

Perhaps, in an effort of self-protection, I have closed myself off too much.

The ability to fall madly and deeply in love means that you open yourself up to the risk of searing pain. Anyone who has ever lost love knows the feeling. You are literally unwell with pain as a result of your romantic relationship ending (scientifically proven and all - cardiomyopathy after a break-up is real).




I am finding that I am increasingly cynical in life. Not only about love but in everything. Disappointment after disappointment means that I rarely believe that people will do what they say they will. And when I do fall for it they tend to let me down anyway.




I know that, being an empath, I am unlikely to receive from others what I give to them. That notwithstanding, I still believe that there should be a level of acceptable behavior. A standard by which I am treated. Just because I tend to care more than other people does not mean that I should allow them to walk all over my heart. Just because I am patient does not mean that I will allow you to take advantage of me. Just because I am not great at standing up for myself does not mean that I won't one day rise to meet you. Just because I take a lot of shit does not mean you should continue to heap it on me.




Defeat is a weapon of the jaded. When you have been worn down time after time you develop resilience. But you also reach the point where you no longer give a shit.




After decades of disappointment, I distrust people's intentions. I have repeatedly been led to believe that it is okay to trust. People reassure me that they won't do what has been done to me in the past. And yet, they do.


Perhaps I am to blame for tolerating such behavior. But perhaps, just perhaps, people should not be cunts. Perhaps people should live up to their promises. Perhaps people should put in a little effort and do what they say they will. Or, if they are not willing to do that, perhaps people should keep their fucking mouths shut and not make promises they are unwilling to follow through with. Perhaps that's an option.

Breastfeeding nazi

I love a celeb with their boobs out. For the right cause, of course.

True happiness

True happiness is found in moments. Like when you watch your kids play make-believe, open a birthday present or hug each other. When your boyfriend kisses your forehead. When you hug a friend you have not seen for a while. When you hold a baby (and they fall asleep in your arms). When you nail the yoga pose you have been working on for months. When you walk in the sunshine after the rain and can smell the humus of the soil. Fresh flowers in a vase on the kitchen table. A delicious meal shared with loved ones. When you up your weights in the gym.


Treasure these moments. Soak them up. Breathe them in. Use them to get you through the shitty times when life is treating you badly and you feel like a bit of mold in the corner of the shower.

Washing with food

This morning, after the gym I washed my hands (as usual - gym equipment is filthy!!) and noted the hand soap the gym has recently installed has 1.5% parsley stem. My interest piqued.  While in the shower, I realised that my body wash (pineapple and coconut) is also vegan. Now, each to their own and all that, but COME ON!!


We are bathing in foodstuffs. I am the first to say that I try to look after myself - eat clean (as much as I can - it is a work in progress), exercise, drink water and all that. But there are starving people in the world. We are washing ourselves with edibles. While people starve.

Not cool humans. Not cool.

Best foot forward

New Year, new gym gear.

I am LOVING my new Adidas shorts. The colours are amazing!

I quit

Good employers are few and far between. So many things on this list hit home with me about how an employer (or manager) should behave.


In my various careers there have been few managers I have admired. While managers have their own job to do, their most important role is that of manager. To manage their staff, managers need ensure their workload is adequate, that they have the tools to do their job effectively and safely and that their staff are satisfied with their role. But managers have a greater responsibility to their staff. A good manager fosters growth of their staff. They listen to their career goals and take steps to facilitate development through either training, mentoring, new experiences or a combination of these things. A great manager will back their staff - defend them when they need it and support them at all times.


Organisational structure and corporate greed have a lot to answer for. Not only are they structured in such a way as to make their workers feel unappreciated they forget that staff that are well cared for work harder both in the office and out of it. A good staff member touting your wares is worth more than any salesman. A team of good staff telling everyone they know about your product or service is the best advertising you will ever get.


Providing you are reasonable in your business model - keeping your staff happy is the first thing you need to do to ensure success of your company. Unhappy staff is like dry rot. It is a virus unto the body of your business. Disgruntled employees can be so damaging to an organization.


Keep your staff happy, train them, care for their wellbeing and they will reward you tenfold.


And, contrary to popular belief, it does not take a lot. But the actions you take need to be done with sincerity. Don't throw a corporate breakfast for face value. A CEO who flies in for a breakfast once every quarter will not be respected by his staff.  A CEO who walks the floor on a Tuesday, chats to staff in the tea room and makes time to engage is one to be admired. Sure, you're the head of a company. Sure, you have big decisions to make. But your staff see a coffer that is being paid a fortune to fly in for a junket. Be real. The hour it takes to walk around the office once a week (and don't make it every Tuesday at eleven - your staff are not stupid; they will see right through your calculated ways and your efforts will be wasted) will return to you tenfold. Being truly engaged in your staff (not just your direct reports) means that you will encourage engagement. Engaged people work harder (and you don't even have to put a ring on it).


What companies, and individual managers, need to realise is that without your staff your organisation will grind to a halt. Losing intellectual property when good staff leave costs the company a hell of a lot more than you can measure in reduced overheads or lower wages.


Encouraging cross-training not only invokes some semblance of balance into individual employee's day but spreads your risk. Focusing all your attention on a couple of key staff means that you are at risk of losing your subject matter experts.


Managers and organisations alike need to work smarter. I'm not saying you need a psychology degree to run a company but you do need to realise you are working with humans, not robots. Humans not only think for themselves but they also talk. Talk can make or break a company.


Small changes can save or sink the ship. So, if you are a manager or the owner of a company, have a think about your staff and the culture you foster. Staff that feel valued will give you more than just hard work. They will give you loyalty. No salary can buy that. That has to be earned.

Happiness is an art

“The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.”

 – Benjamin Franklin

Dream a little dream with me

In June I shall be crossing so many things off my bucket list with a much awaited trip to San Fran and NYC with my beautiful sister. I am so excited!!

NYC has been top of my travel list since I was 14 and I am thrilled to be crossing it off this year.

Flights are booked so we will be looking at accommodation and tours in the next week. Paid in advance means that I still have a little time up my sleeve to save for spending money (which will be much needed considering the strength of the Australian dollar at the moment).

This is a once in a lifetime experience for me and my sister and I am so happy to be planning it all to ensure that I have no regrets

Rut

This morning, in my inbox, I received a very well-timed reminder from the beautiful Domonique Bertolucci stating that she was recently in a rut but pulled herself out of it by going to the movies. She found something that she loved that was missing from her life and she weaved more of it in on a regular basis.

I'm struggling at the moment. There are a couple of things that are not going how I would like them to - children, house, partner. It's too much all at once. If it were one thing I could handle it like a boss but all three and I feel beaten most of the time. I feel out of control and at the mercy of others. I HATE being dependent.

So, today's task is to search my soul to find something that can pull me through this.