I am getting tougher (and increasingly cynical) as I get older. I used to get upset in TV commercials (not watching commercial TV for over a decade assists with that one!) these days, I rarely cry. Although my heart aches for various reasons, it is a very rare day that I cry. In fact, I can only recall once instance where I have cried for something happening in my life in the last twelve months (the number is greater if you add in movies - my one true escape from reality). While this could be considered a good thing. I am starting to worry.
Perhaps, in an effort of self-protection, I have closed myself off too much.
The ability to fall madly and deeply in love means that you open yourself up to the risk of searing pain. Anyone who has ever lost love knows the feeling. You are literally unwell with pain as a result of your romantic relationship ending (scientifically proven and all - cardiomyopathy after a break-up is real).
I am finding that I am increasingly cynical in life. Not only about love but in everything. Disappointment after disappointment means that I rarely believe that people will do what they say they will. And when I do fall for it they tend to let me down anyway.
I know that, being an empath, I am unlikely to receive from others what I give to them. That notwithstanding, I still believe that there should be a level of acceptable behavior. A standard by which I am treated. Just because I tend to care more than other people does not mean that I should allow them to walk all over my heart. Just because I am patient does not mean that I will allow you to take advantage of me. Just because I am not great at standing up for myself does not mean that I won't one day rise to meet you. Just because I take a lot of shit does not mean you should continue to heap it on me.
Defeat is a weapon of the jaded. When you have been worn down time after time you develop resilience. But you also reach the point where you no longer give a shit.
After decades of disappointment, I distrust people's intentions. I have repeatedly been led to believe that it is okay to trust. People reassure me that they won't do what has been done to me in the past. And yet, they do.
Perhaps I am to blame for tolerating such behavior. But perhaps, just perhaps, people should not be cunts. Perhaps people should live up to their promises. Perhaps people should put in a little effort and do what they say they will. Or, if they are not willing to do that, perhaps people should keep their fucking mouths shut and not make promises they are unwilling to follow through with. Perhaps that's an option.
I am finding that I am increasingly cynical in life. Not only about love but in everything. Disappointment after disappointment means that I rarely believe that people will do what they say they will. And when I do fall for it they tend to let me down anyway.
I know that, being an empath, I am unlikely to receive from others what I give to them. That notwithstanding, I still believe that there should be a level of acceptable behavior. A standard by which I am treated. Just because I tend to care more than other people does not mean that I should allow them to walk all over my heart. Just because I am patient does not mean that I will allow you to take advantage of me. Just because I am not great at standing up for myself does not mean that I won't one day rise to meet you. Just because I take a lot of shit does not mean you should continue to heap it on me.
Defeat is a weapon of the jaded. When you have been worn down time after time you develop resilience. But you also reach the point where you no longer give a shit.
After decades of disappointment, I distrust people's intentions. I have repeatedly been led to believe that it is okay to trust. People reassure me that they won't do what has been done to me in the past. And yet, they do.
Perhaps I am to blame for tolerating such behavior. But perhaps, just perhaps, people should not be cunts. Perhaps people should live up to their promises. Perhaps people should put in a little effort and do what they say they will. Or, if they are not willing to do that, perhaps people should keep their fucking mouths shut and not make promises they are unwilling to follow through with. Perhaps that's an option.
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