Be still

Tonight I had a bath. This may seem insignificant and unimportant to the uninitiated. But for those that know how I am at the moment: it is mammoth. Firstly, the idea of wallowing in my own filth is not appealing. So I showered first which, of course, makes the terrible waste of water even greater. Then there is the fact that I don't like to be contained. I feel somewhat trapped in a bath (which is strange considering a shower is an enclosed space and I love being in there).  Then there is the naked bit. It is no secret that I am a prude and I detest my body.  Add to this that I have a complete inability to stay still and the mere thought of a bath is very unappealing.

However, a dear friend recently bought me a book. One that I know I will find very challenging to read. But, being the stubborn thing that I am, I will not shy away from a challenge. So I trapped myself in the bath to force myself to stop and to read.

Now, not much of what I read has stayed with me (my restless mind wanders) but I was still for an hour. Apart from the 10 minute meditation at the end of my weekly yoga class, this has been the longest I have stayed in one spot for years. I hated every second of it. But I forced myself to stay there (re-reading the same pages of text over and over).

I can't say I learnt anything other than the fact that I at least have the resolve to follow through on things that I set my mind to. That is enough for today. I will be content in the knowledge that I did something that took me out of my comfort zone and I stuck with it.