Growth

Last night I was stood up. Twice. I was meant to catch up with a friend for coffee but he never showed.  Then I was hoping to catch up with another friend but that fell through.  No great drama you say? Well, up until a few weeks ago this sequence of events would have seen me fall to pieces. I would have berated myself for weeks, months, possibly years for being sub-standard and unworthy. I would have analysed the situation over and over; wondering what I could have done differently.  Considering the analysis, I would then form the view that I am poor company, uninteresting and no fun (why else would two, unrelated friends ditch me on the same night?). However, while I have to admit that I still believe the aforementioned traits are true, I find I am better able to cope with the rejection portion of the situation I found myself in*.

Naturally, no one wants to be rejected but (do I sound like a broken record yet?) life sucks.  In situations like this you have a choice.

So instead of falling to pieces, I enjoyed a (very sub-standard) hot (read tepid) chocolate in the warm autumn air at a funky little cafe where I was meant to meet the first friend. At this point I could have cut my losses and lamented the fact that I spilled said chocolate beverage on my jeans.  But, I am determined to do things differently.

I was adamant my night was not going to end on a low note.  So, with the impetus of needing to pee, I found a pub nearby.  The pub happened to have a DJ and dance floor.   Win! There was a group of extremely talented dancers there and the five of us boogied up a storm. I get great joy from dancing. I love music and dancing is something I do all the time. I cannot help myself.   It makes me infinitely happy to be on a dance floor.  I don't care what I look like or what other people think of me when I am dancing.  For me, dance is freedom.  Last night, as I danced, I thought only happy thoughts.  I smiled.  I let go.  I relaxed.

This morning, as I watched the sun rise on route to my son's 9th birthday party, I reflected on the fact that my night did not work out at all as I had hoped but that I was okay.  There was disappointment but were no tears, no self flagellation, no regret.

* As an aside, perhaps my increased ability to cope with rejection comes from the over abundance of practice I get in this field but I am going to chose to skip straight over this point and pretend it doesn't exist.  At least for today.