Challenge is inevitable

Being challenged in life is inevitable; being defeated is not - Roger Crawford

I have had some challenging experiences over the last few years  I have faced a very serious, unexplained illness that saw me in and out of hospital for months, I lost my job and had to take on three others in order to support my family then moved to Melbourne.  In short, I have been doing what I have had to.  I have faced many demons along the way.

My way of coping with those challenges was to bury everything.  Whenever things were tough, I would squash whatever emotions I had deep within.  I was so overwhelmed by life I reached the point where I was merely existing; moving from one day to the next in a flurry of activity.  I was so detached from the world.  I did this as a protective mechanism so I had no capacity to feel pain.  The flip side is that I also had no capacity to feel joy either.  I was dead inside.

It was one morning, after yet another sleepless night, that I decided to go for a run.  I am not a runner.  But I was desperate.  So I donned my shoes and set out in the brisk morning.  My lungs burned and my knee ached but I managed a very slow two kay amble.  I let my thoughts go with the wind as I ran.  For the first time in years, I felt free.

Over time I realised that I could use running to adjust my mood.  I have a lot to process and deal with strong emotions from guilt to regret to sheer panic.

That was about a year ago and I can now say that I truly love to run.  I actually miss it on days when I cannot run.  I still use running as a form of self-flagellation but I recognise it for what it is.  And, as such, I now have a tool in my kit that I can use to help me cope when I feel overwhelmed.  On days when I feel challenged, running allows me to remain undefeated.