Need for nothing

I'm all I've got. I can rely on no one.  That used to really bother me. I once weighed all my worth on what other people thought of me. No more. My levels of apathy have hit an all time high. Throw your insults at me. I am bulletproof. I just don't care anymore. Not that I won't get hurt; I take it all on board, but no one has power over me anymore. I no longer change my wardrobe, hairstyle, vocabulary or ideas based on what other people think. Don't like my shorts? Don't look! Don't like what I have to say? Don't listen. Don't like that I am quiet? Find someone else to hang with. I am at the point where I am unapologetic about who I am; what I like and what makes me happy.

It has taken a long time and a lot of work to get to this point.  I regress. But I pull myself up. I can now question myself critically and get to the bottom of my shit pretty quickly. A year ago I would agonise over the smallest things.  Big decisions are now generally easy mainly because I spent countless hours finding me. I had previously spent decades doing what others wanted. Sacrificing all of me for those I loved. It took me a long time before I could stand up for myself. I have pissed off a lot of people in the process to get to this point. I no longer let people walk all over me and there are people that find that very confronting. I am creating boundaries and constantly reinforcing them. It's tough going but totally worth it.

When I don't care, when decisions have no bearing on my life, I'll do whatever others want. I am pretty easy going. I go with the flow. I am accommodating and flexible.

I believe it is the expectations we place on others that lead to disappointment. Now that I have reached the point that I expect only to be treated with courtesy I find it easy to walk away from those that cannot deliver that. Everyone deserves a base level of treatment. Those in my life that can't see that can GGF. I am no longer a doormat for trampling on. This magic carpet will lift up and fly away if mistreated.

So, if you are in my life it is because I want you there not because I need you. I have found self contentment and it sits pretty.