What I think of me

I have recently found C Joybell C.  She is a writing Goddess. My favourite of her quotes is thus:

“The only person who can pull me down is myself,

 and I'm not going to let myself pull me down anymore.”  

- C. Joybell C.

I have always worried about what other people think of me.  It has only been in the last eighteen months or so that I have taken the time to contemplate what I think of myself. Until then, I was so preoccupied with appeasing other people that I had never stopped to consider what matters to me.

It has been an unpleasant journey. I struggled through the last half of a decade. Every day was a battle. I would wake up exhausted and, looking back, I was probably on the verge of depression. I blame my sheer stubbornness for not slipping down the dark path though I had every reason to do so - isolation, an unhealthy relationship, overwork, illness and financial ruin.

I have spent countless hours, days even, looking critically at myself and assessing what I see. There is a lot I don't like and I intend to keep working at those things but lately I have been able to see some that I can tolerate. I am even able to turn some of the things I dislike about myself around and see the positive side to them.

I am at a point of neutrality and I am comfortable here.