I saw my psychologist for the first time in eight months this morning. It was an interesting reunion; like meeting an old friend. He reassured me that it's no surprise that I find life a struggle. I have had trauma in my life that has scarred me and I have develop a hard shell as a protective mechanism. Apparently I have a facade that I present and my psychologist wants me to smash it down. He wants me to expose my vulnerabilities and bring down my walls. He seems to think that I won't attract quality people (read men) into my life until I do.
I am scared. Not only do I have no idea how to deconstruct the walls I have taken decades to build; I am so fearful that, even if I do succeed at this mammoth task ahead of me, I will find that the truth is that I am unloveable; unworthy of care and deep affection; that I'm just a "pretty" face. That I am truly ugly on the inside.
No comments:
Post a Comment