Legacy

Spending an extended period of time with my children recently made me realise that they receive not only physical legacies (my son has my eyes and my daughter my feet) but emotional legacies too. I feel sorry for my children; I am not the strongest genetic stock (my sister was blessed with the lions share of superior genes). I am also somewhat emotionally unstable. I am insecure and have terrible self esteem. I lack motivation and am so far from a high achiever. I am not even in the ballpark.

I am blessed with talented friends and an incredibly successful family. My mother has run a multinational IT company; my father represented the country in basketball; my aunt is an Olympic gold medalist and two of my cousins own their own businesses. I am the black sheep of the family - my children live with their father most of the time; I have a mundane job (no career path for me); I have no assets with no capacity to make headway in the next twelve years and I am unloveable.

Someone recently said "it's a wonder you get through the day with the shit you have been through". Sad but true. There was a long time where I could not see a way out of my mess. Despite thinking constantly of my children, I could not see that they would be better off having me in their life.

I am working on fixing myself not only for me but for my children too. I figure if I can sift through the shit then I will have some skills to pass onto them when they eventually decide they need to undo some of the damage I have caused them. In fact, I have promised them both that I will get them therapy sessions for both their 18th and 21st birthdays to help them process their childhood and prepare them for the real world.