My children are divine, independent, opinionated people. But that means they are also stubborn, outspoken people which clashes with my stubborn opinionated independence at times. I am wracked with guilt that my worst traits have been passed on. There are times when I understand why people don't have children. They are like mirrors into me and what shines back at me is often very unattractive.
There are other times when my children are positively perfect in every way. Yesterday we took a friend's daughter to hospital with severe abdominal pain. My children were considerate and helpful as I carried her down three flights of stairs and into the car. They were patient and quiet as we waited a full hour in emergency. The listened attentively whole the doctor asked a plethora of questions. They were hospitable when we brought my friend's son home with us for the night so my friend could concentrate on her sick daughter. They were gracious when his grandmother came to pick him up this morning.
My fears that I have totally fucked up their lives are softened when something like this happens for it is very defining to see how people react in times of uncertainty. My children may end up like me as beautiful messes but I am confident that their beauty (inside and out) will outshine their messes so they are a step ahead of me. That's all a parent can ask for.
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