Control

This says it all.  Apart from the reference to a speedometer rather than an odometer, this is the most accurate and succinct article on the topic I have read in months.

It saddens me greatly that our society is so lax on people who behave in this manner but it worries me that we are not equipping our children to stand up for themselves. Self esteem is undervalued where cockiness is revered. We need to be teaching children to develop healthy self esteems, where they respect themselves enough to turn away from those that treat them badly.

Furthermore, we need skilled practitioners that can help those exposed to such abuse pull themselves up to the point where they don't repeat their same mistakes. People exposed to treatment like this don't need to hear that they should top themselves (they're probably considering that anyway considering the abuse they have received); they don't need to hear that time will heal all they need coaching to develop the skills to assert themselves.

Denigration, especially if received over years, is difficult to undo. It becomes ingrained and habitual. The constant insults swim around and attack when you're most vulnerable - those moments when you are about to stand up for yourself or when you want to make a big decision in your own best interest. And the people that abuse are smart - they know who to pick, those with low self-confidence and people-pleasers are easy to manipulate. They spot a weakness and feed off it.