I saw my psychologist this morning. I love the man. He calls me on my bullshit; provides insightful commentary on the workings of my mind and, apart from his kids' college fund, he has no vested interest in me so I am more able to accept compliments from him.
I find it intriguing that we talk non-stop for an hour and there's usually just one thing that I take with me. I fixate. It is one of my many downfalls. I tend to obsess over things. I am now aware of it and try desperately to moderate that part of my psyche.
I know that I am at risk of overpowering people. I am increasingly mindful of that. I probably overcompensate and withdraw but that's probably safer for me than forming unhealthy and non-reciprocal relationships. I am aware that I have a tendency to divulge too much information and I have an incredible skill at pushing people I like away. It's a protective mechanism but it's also a self fulfilling prophecy.
I'm trying desperately to find a balance. To give the good bits and hide or at least underplay the less attractive parts of me.
One of the things my psychologist asked today was a simple question: why wouldn't people want to spend time with me? Apart from my insecurities, which I cannot project onto others, there is no real reason. I need to remind myself of that from time to time to ensure I don't follow the same patterns I have done in the past.
Time is nigh to ensure I maintain my set boundaries and try not to sabotage my own happiness.
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