Sometimes it's hard to find the words to say

I often find it hard to talk to people. I find it hard to find the right words and what I say is often misconstrued. I always have the best of intentions but somehow I keep missing the mark. I am determined to keep trying and I am no longer interested in being censored. Not only with what I say but what I do too. I will always be mindful of others but I am tired; emotionally drained. So I will say what I mean and mean what I say. I will lavish those around me with kindness, generosity and love in all its forms. I will continue to put others ahead of me. These are traits in me that others find infuriating but they make me who I am.

I am overly generous. I always give more than I receive. I go above and beyond. While babysitting for my sister I will clean her house, whether she notices or not. I do not do it for thanks but to be truly helpful. So that when she comes home after a horrendously long day there are no dishes in the sink, no pasta sauce on the bench, no cake crumbs on the kitchen floor. I do it because I WANT to make others lives easier.

I want the people around me to be happy. Happiness is found in fleeting moments. I am going to savour ever single one. So, I will continue to bring little treats for the people I like in the office - a chocolate here, a banana there, a favourite drink, cake - not because I expect anything in return but so when they turn up in the morning there's a little something to make their miserable work day a little brighter. Just because I can.

I looked in the mirror this morning before I walked out the front door, as I always do, and I thought to myself "If people don't want to be around this then that is their loss". And, shocked, I realised I actually believed it.  Thanks be to my beautiful sister and my spectacularly supportive and brutally honest, blunt and intolerant cousin, I know that I am enough. Just as I am.