Don't hold back

I think true happiness comes from being exactly who you are. When there is no need to be fake, no need to wear a protective mask and no holding back.

I have been slowly unravelling myself. Very tenderly and carefully peeling back the layers of filth and caked on mud from my years in the pit of despair. There were times I scrubbed and bleached the underlying skin in order to remove the darkness that had penetrated through my weak protective barrier.

What I found was not a skeleton but a collection of shattered and fragments of bones. I have painstakingly glued those pieces back together.

There have been times when I have thought "I'm done" with pride and a great sense of accomplishment only to discover that I have missed something and I have to peel the layers back a little further to uncover the dry rot has made another hole in my soul.

But I am making progress. As my gorgeous friend recently pointed out, my core is a solid as a Kylie Minogue stiletto. I am showing the real me to more and more people and I am shocked to see that they do not hate it. The more positive feedback I get, the bolder I am in exposing a little more of the realness that I hide. I am learning not to hold back. I am learning to slowly but surely open up to select individuals that have provided me with the reassurance that they are trustworthy, reliable and compassionate.