Work it out

I am an insecure person. I hate it. It sparks fear, causes arguments and tears me to pieces. There are times when I wish I was anyone but myself. I watch arseholes around me spew insults and wonder how they got to be so self assured. How, in their far from perfect state, they managed to come out unscathed and full of confidence. It perplexes me how rude people can be. Their insensitivity and lack of foresight astounds me. I know I am far from perfect but who needs someone else to point out their flaws?

I'm the kind of person who cannot accept compliments. Not that I am impolite and don't thank people when they compliment me; but that I honestly don't believe someone when they say nice things about me. .

I have spent many hours trying to work out why this is and all I can come up with is conditioning. I hazard a guess that, at some point in my childhood I was told that people issue compliments without basis. Or that someone around me was complimented and didn't accept the kind words. Whatever the root cause, I am working on receiving compliments. Not seeking approval. Never asking for people's opinion on me but actually listening to what people say when unprompted.