I have about fifty posts that are sitting in draft format. They are piecemeal compilations of half-thoughts. I feel my life is in draft lately. I don't want this to be my screenplay. I don't want what's happening now to be written down for all to see. It's unpolished, naked and ugly. There's so much editing that's required. I want to be able to go back and try again. I've made too many mistakes. If my life was written in pencil the amount of eraser required would have worn the paper through.
Alas, in life we don't get to try again. Our fuck ups are forever etched into history; ugly and visible by all. Moreover, they leave scars on our hearts that won't necessarily heal. I fear my heart is so badly damaged that it will stop pumping just due to the massing of scar tissue.
Like all authors, success does not come to those who put down their pen. So, I again reach for the red corrective pen and hope that, this time, I can learn from my recent fuck ups and make better decisions. I live in hope.
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