Don't let me down

It is so refreshing to have people in my life that I can rely on. I am thankful for my divorce for showing me that there are good souls in the world.

Mum, Dad, Shelly, Paul, Sue, Candice, Lauren, Brad, Shelley, Jen, Paul, Jane, Liz, Rin, Kevin, Kieran, Paul and Katie; thank you. I know you won't let me down. Some days, that's all I need; to know that if it all goes to shit someone out of my support network will be there at my moment of need. I am not alone. I am loved. I am loveable and I am worthy.

All I need to do is look at the wonderful and truly beautiful people in my life to know that I am not unloveable. Some day I will meet a guy who will look at me, just as I am, and will fall madly in love with me. Until then I have plenty of people who love me for who I am. For now, they will be my reminder that my ex is wrong; I am loveable. Just. As. I. Am.

The mammoth task ahead is for me not to let me down like I have in the past. I need to be strong. I need to hold out for the guy that accepts and loves me for me. A guy that sees that I am a once in a lifetime opportunity, someone that's worth being with regardless of my flaws. That I am genuine; I don't do or say things for the hell of it and that everything I do is done with the best of intentions. I never mean any ill by what I do and say. I am quite sincere when I say I put others ahead of myself. I do so knowingly and willingly, always have, but my failed marriage has taught me that I need to have boundaries around that and maintain them in order to ensure that I am not taken for a ride. I am not like most people and, where I previously saw that as a fundamental flaw I can now see it as a great asset. I choose to continue to surround myself with people that appreciate the lengths I go to for them; who feed my soul and warm my heart in return for the things I do for them. I am completely self sufficient. While I would love someone to hold me and nurture me I don't need that. I need for nothing, in fact. But it has taken me five sleepless and traumatic weeks to finally find the clarity to see through the fog of pain in my heart and realise that I am not unloveable. I am loved by many people in my life.

Like all the other shit I have faced I will pull through this. It's just another fuckstain on the shitstorm that is my life and I will come out the other side of it. A little more scarred. A little less happy. A little more bitter. But alive. I am here and I won't let me down.