Self esteem

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel - Steve Furtick

I feel like a tightly knotted ball of wool lately.  There's so much to untangle and some of the knots are so deep and so strongly bound under interwoven layers that, at times, I don't know where to begin.  Other times, I think I've undone some of the past damages only to find that I've just moved the tangled portion to another spot.  It's all still there, not so tightly wound perhaps, but ever present.

Ideally I would like to concentrate on one issue at a time and try to resolve it before moving on.  The reality is that the issues I have are so interconnected that I cannot seem to find a way to work on one thing in isolation. 

One of my biggest issues is low self esteem.  I drop to zero self esteem on most days, if I am truly honest.  I have tried the "fake it til you make it" path but, honestly, that doesn't really work.  So I am working through a series of exercises in an attempt to find the source of my low self esteem and, hopefully, then be able to address the surrounding issues and start to build my confidence.

Linked to this is insecurity, jealousy and the overwhelming sense of worthlessness. These issues have been under the microscope lately, considering the circumstances. As a result I have turned to some of my most hated vices - comfort eating and self pity. Not pretty. 

So I dig deep to find the strength to continue on my quest to self improvement.  I soldier on as best I can and hope that I do better tomorrow. I hope that the work I have been doing over the last few years is making a difference; anything to demonstrate that my efforts are doing something!